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Tpo 16-Q4Using the example from the lecture, explain what social loafing is, and how it affects people behavior. v.1

Tpo 16-Q4Using the example from the lecture, explain what social loafing is, and how it affects people behavior. v. 1
While some people believe guilty a crime should not be punished with a jail sentence, others argue that vocational and technical education ought to be used instead. I tend to agree with the argument and in this essay, I will support my view with examples. To begin with, Many Criminals after committed a crime and going to jail sentence. These people are highly likely to sit idle in prison during this time. This useless time during the penitentiary punishment presents more moments to think. To be more specific, Offenders might think about revenge or planning for breaking hazard laws again during that while in imprisonment. A good illustration of this is that, lawbreaker after committing an illegal act goes to jail for a long time due to he is virtually idle in these days, he might think about some ways to vengeance and committing bigger crimes. The government could do preventive measures for this unproductive time and mental free time in prison. The state could provide educating classes and jobs with studying during the offenders’ Jailhouse sentences. In addition, confinement penalty’s days usually present many difficulties for lawbreakers. To put it differently, criminals throughout the occasion in jail have many problems which they try to face them. For instance, one of these problems is that some of these offenders are too young and this penitentiary sentence costs them a fortune. Simply put, living in lockup costs the beneficial years of their life. Clarification needed, In that precious days offenders could have learned useful knowledge or vocational training instead of sitting jobless in jail. Therefore, at the end of the confinement punishment, they have many useful skills and beneficial sufficiency which also, contributes to less thinking about committing the illegal act again, during the offenders’ prison while. By way of conclusion, I ones again reaffirm my position that I completely agree with the former state. In my opinion, providing training classes and jobs with education contribute to fewer break laws and illegal actions because of the many facts like making criminal mentally occupied and educating beneficial skills.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe guilty a crime should not
be punished
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
sentence, others argue that vocational and technical education ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
instead
. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument and in this essay, I will support my view with examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Criminals after committed a crime and going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
sentence. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
highly
likely to sit idle in prison during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during the penitentiary punishment presents more moments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Offenders
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about revenge or planning for breaking hazard laws again during that while in imprisonment. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that, lawbreaker after committing an illegal act goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to he is
virtually
idle in these days, he might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to vengeance and committing bigger crimes. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could do preventive measures for this unproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and mental free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in prison. The state could provide educating classes and jobs with studying during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders’
Jailhouse sentences.

In addition
, confinement penalty’s days
usually
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties for lawbreakers. To put it
differently
, criminals throughout the occasion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems which they try to face them.
For instance
, one of these problems is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are too young and this penitentiary sentence costs them a fortune.
Simply
put, living in lockup costs the beneficial years of their life. Clarification needed, In that precious days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
could have learned useful knowledge or vocational training
instead
of sitting jobless in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jail
.
Therefore
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the confinement punishment, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and beneficial sufficiency which
also
, contributes to less thinking about committing the illegal act again, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders’
prison while.

By way of conclusion,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I ones
again reaffirm my position that I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former state. In my opinion, providing training classes and jobs with education contribute to fewer break laws and illegal actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts like making criminal mentally occupied and educating beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Tpo 16-Q4Using the example from the lecture, explain what social loafing is, and how it affects people behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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