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Many business meetings and discussions are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many business meetings and discussions are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Due to the advent of globalization, various societies around the world are beginning to have more number of similarities. However, some people are afraid that this will eventually result in a complete loss of cultural identity. I completely disagree with the statement as cultures are known to have flourished on account of exposure and it can also lead to better understanding of people in general if we are aware of their backgrounds, beliefs and various rituals. In this age of globalization, cultures are rapidly growing across borders. This is quite an encouraging sign as it provides an opportunity of evolution. In other words, people now have an opportunity to spread their learning and beliefs beyond a limited group of people, which can lead to a very healthy exchange of ideas and thoughts. This way, varied cultures have an opportunity to grow and attain longevity. This is greatly aided by internet which has virtually erased the boundaries. Furthermore, as people get to know different cultures and backgrounds, it helps immensely in understanding different people and their mental make-up. This can help create awareness about the under-privileged and the weaker sections of society. More importantly, it will lead to a more balanced, inclusive and secular society where we treat everyone as equal regardless of their religion, social strata, race, nationality or even colour. To conclude, I strongly believe that when varied cultures combine, they only give rise to synergy and provide sustainability and therefore, one should not raise concerns about losing their own culture.
Due to the advent of globalization, various societies around the world are beginning to have more number of similarities.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid that this will
eventually
result in a complete loss of cultural identity. I completely disagree with the statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are known
to have flourished on account of exposure and it can
also
lead to better understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in general
if we are aware of their backgrounds, beliefs and various rituals.

In this age of globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are
rapidly
growing across borders. This is quite an encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
as it provides an opportunity of evolution.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have an opportunity to spread their learning and beliefs beyond a limited group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which can lead to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts. This way, varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
have an opportunity to grow and attain longevity. This is
greatly
aided by internet which has
virtually
erased the boundaries.

Furthermore
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and backgrounds, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
immensely
in understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create awareness about the under-privileged and the weaker sections of society. More
importantly
, it will lead to a more balanced, inclusive and secular society where we treat everyone as equal regardless of their religion, social strata, race, nationality or even
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that when varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
combine, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give rise to synergy and provide sustainability and
therefore
, one should not raise concerns about losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many business meetings and discussions are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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