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TPO 19 - Question 4Use the examples from the lecture to explain concept of social learning. v.1

TPO 19 - Question 4Use the examples from the lecture to explain concept of social learning. v. 1
There is no denying the fact that family ties are becoming weaker. This is particularly true in western countries where relationships are becoming less and less relevant. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. The most important, of course, is the change in our lifestyles, values and goals. Families that spend a lot of time together tend to be closer. And families where the members rarely come face to face with one another have hardly anything that ties them together. In the olden days parents and children used to live and work together. In many families, children pursued the same career as their father. They learned the trade or craft from their parents and elder siblings. This allowed them to spend more time with their family and that made their relationships stronger. Now we are living in the age of individualism. Everyone needs their space. This has made us more self-centred than our parents or grandparents. This also reflects in our relationships. We no longer believe in making adjustments or compromises. We want everything our way. This attitude creates strain in our relationships. There is yet another reason that affects family bonds. People are increasingly moving to another city or country in search of better education, jobs or living standards. They leave their family behind. While it is possible to keep in touch through modern communication means, an email or phone call is not equal to a face-to-face interaction. The only way to forge better ties with our near and dear ones is to spend more time with them. We must realize that our biggest strength is our family. Relationships are like potted plants. We need to nourish them. If we don’t give them the love and affection they need, they will wilt. To conclude, if we need better family relationships we must be willing to adjust and compromise. We must realize that the only way to win love is to give love. Instead of confining ourselves to our space, we must come out of it. We must let others in too.
There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties are becoming weaker. This is
particularly
true in western countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
are becoming less and less relevant. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
of course
, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our lifestyles, values and goals.

Families that spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time together tend to be closer. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where the members rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
face to face with one another have hardly anything that ties them together. In the olden days parents and children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work together. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, children pursued the same career as their father. They learned the trade or craft from their parents and elder siblings. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and that made their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
stronger.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we are living in the age of individualism. Everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
their space. This has made us more
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
than our parents or grandparents. This
also
reflects in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. We no longer believe in making adjustments or compromises. We want everything our way. This attitude creates strain in our relationships.

There is
yet
another reason that affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
increasingly
moving to another city or country in search of better education, jobs or living standards. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
behind. While it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch through modern communication means, an email or phone call is not equal to a face-to-face interaction. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to forge better ties with our near and dear ones is to spend more time with them. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize that our biggest strength is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Relationships
are like potted plants. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to nourish them. If we don’t give them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, they will wilt.

To conclude
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be willing to adjust and compromise. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to win
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
Instead
of confining ourselves to our space, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of it. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
others in too.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay TPO 19 - Question 4Use the examples from the lecture to explain concept of social learning. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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