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Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v.1

Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v. 1
In the years following the introduction of Facebook, there have been many changes in our society and community, some good and some bad. In my view, I believe that while there have been some negative impacts from social networking sites, the positives far outweigh the negative impacts. One of the major advantage of social networking sites for individuals and society is that communication with one another is easy and instant regardless of the geographical location. We can instantly speak with someone on the other side of the world and get a response just as fast. Additionally, now, more than ever, we can keep up with real time news and information discovery unlike 20 years ago when we solely relied on newspapers and news telecast on televisions to know what is happening around the globe. Furthermore, social networking sites also act as a low cost marketing platform for small, medium enterprises. Many business owners in the society out there depend solely on social networking sites able to sell and promote their products. They would not be able to operate without it. There is also the added benefit of social networking sites being fun and enjoyable for individuals to use. However, there are some adverse impacts of social networking sites individuals and society. Concerning individuals, it is easy to be too preoccupied with the usage of social networking sites such that offline interactions are disregarded. For example, some people would rather stay in and browse on social networking sites instead of taking part in events with family, friends or local community. This in return would also adversely affect society as people in the local community are no longer forging close and supporting relationships as before. Moreover, society as a whole is also becoming increasingly disjointed and fragmented as people spend more time online with people they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever meet in the future. Another negative impact is that usage of social networking site promotes sedentary lifestyle in the society as people these days are spending more time indoor than ever, with eyes glued to their screens. To conclude, social networking sites have impacted individuals and society in both negative and positive ways. It is important to manage the usage of social networking sites such that the negative impacts can be minimised.
In the years following the introduction of Facebook, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our
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society
and community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. In my view, I believe that while there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, the positives far outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts.

One of the major advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is that communication with one another is easy and instant regardless of the geographical location. We can
instantly
speak with someone on the other side of the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a response
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, more than ever, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with real time news and information discovery unlike 20 years ago when we
solely
relied on newspapers and news telecast on televisions to know what is happening around the globe.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
also
act as a low cost marketing platform for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, medium enterprises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
business owners in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
out there depend
solely
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
able to sell and promote their products. They would not be able to operate without it. There is
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
being fun and enjoyable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, it is easy to be too preoccupied with the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
such that offline interactions
are disregarded
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
rather
stay in and browse on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
instead
of taking part in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
with family, friends or local community. This in return would
also
adversely
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the local community are no longer forging close and supporting relationships as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole is
also
becoming
increasingly
disjointed and fragmented as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time online with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in the future. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is that usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
promotes sedentary lifestyle in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are spending more time indoor than ever, with eyes glued to their screens.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to manage the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
such that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two economic changes that occurred in ancient civilizations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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