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q6 Concept of mass production. Explain the link between introduction of machinery and the concept of mass production. Use details and examples from the lecture to support your explanation. v.1

q6 Concept of mass production. Explain the link between introduction of machinery and the concept of mass production. Use details and examples from the lecture to support your explanation. v. 1
In today's world, There is an ever-increasing number of people that do not have close relationships with their next door neighbours and this has weakened communities in our cities. This essay will discuss the root causes this phenomena has been arisen from and the potential solution to tackle it. First and foremost, it is significantly clear that the world's economic situation is forcing individuals constantly to work for long hours. Therefore, they can earn a great deal of money to have the luxurious life that they have dreamed of. As a result, the vast majority of people do not have enough time to develop relationships with each other. For example, In 2014, According to a questionnaire administered by a group of American researchers at Chicago University, about 60% of American citizens worked for 16 hours per day to cover their expanses. Definitely, not only leading authorities can implement strong laws to prevent working overtime, but also they can build community clubs which people might have time engaging with each other. secondly, it is undeniable that virtual relationships have become of high value more than the real ones. In other words, According to a section of society, remote communication is much easier than face to face interactions. As an illustration, According to statistical data in Finland, about 80% of teenagers spent more than 5 hours daily talking to strangers from other countries. Although, this may help them knowing more about other cultures, it drifts them from their true relationships. Indeed, if parents educate their youngsters about the importance of not being isolated from the real world, it would be great to minimize this ongoing trend. In conclusion, it is extremely imperative to know that working around the clock and mobile based society is the main causes of depleted communities; however, governments can foster a greater sense of community by enforcing regulations which prevent working beyond the legal hours. In addition, raising awareness of young people is also a helpful solution.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, There is an ever-increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that do not have close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with their
next
door
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and this has weakened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
in our cities. This essay will discuss the root causes
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena has
been arisen
from and the potential solution to tackle it.

First
and foremost, it is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the world's economic situation is forcing individuals
constantly
to work for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Therefore
, they can earn a great deal of money to have the luxurious life that they have dreamed of.
As a result
, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
, In 2014, According to a questionnaire administered by a group of American researchers at Chicago University, about 60% of American citizens worked for 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day to cover their expanses. Definitely, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leading authorities can implement strong laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
working overtime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
clubs which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might have time engaging with each other.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, it is undeniable that virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
have become of high value more than the real ones. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, According to a section of society, remote communication is much easier than face to face interactions. As an illustration, According to statistical data in Finland, about 80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spent more than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
daily talking to strangers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. Although, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
The verb ',' is used with an infinitive: "to know" or "know".
knowing
more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures, it drifts them from their true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
Indeed
, if parents educate their youngsters about the importance of not
being isolated
from the real world, it would be great to minimize this ongoing trend.

In conclusion
, it is
extremely
imperative to know that working around the clock and mobile based society is the main causes of depleted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can foster a greater sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by enforcing regulations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
working beyond the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
In addition
, raising awareness of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
also
a helpful solution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay q6 Concept of mass production. Explain the link between introduction of machinery and the concept of mass production. Use details and examples from the lecture to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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