Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

At some schools, some lessons for young students )ages5-8( include video games as a way to increasethe students‘ interest in learning. Some people believe this a very effective way for young students tolearn; others believe it is too distracting and wa v.1

At some schools, some lessons for young students )ages5-8( include video games as a way to increasethe students‘ interest in learning. Some people believe this a very effective way for young students tolearn; others believe it is too distracting and wa v. 1
Fuel consumption has been established as one of the key contributors to rising environmental pollution. Because of this, some people argue that raising energy prices would be an effective way to protect the environment. In this essay, 1 am going to argue that such a policy is futile because it does not address the underlying causes of pollution and other measures are needed. Advocates of increasing fuel costs may argue that in doing so governments may discourage citizens from using personal vehicles, thereby reducing fuel consumption and making the environment cleaner. Consumers, especially in developing countries, are generally price-conscious, and thus the exorbitant fuel prices may gear them towards cheaper and more eco-friendly modes of transport like walking or mass transit. However, such reasoning is flawed, because car exhausts are only one of the many causes of pollution. Factories' discharge of effluents contaminates water sources, and deforestation is the main culprit behind land degradation. Adjusting energy prices would have little or no impact on these phenomena, and therefore the view that higher costs of fuel can effectively solve global environmental problems should be rejected. Instead of intervening in the energy market, governments should adopt more viable solutions to curb environmental pollution. First of all, stricter punishments must be administered on individuals and companies who do harm to the environment. Prison sentences may be given to people participating in illegal logging, and factories must be fined for releasing excessive toxic gases into the atmosphere. These steps ought to be carried out in tandem with educating the public about the poor state of the environment. Once people are conscious of the detrimental impacts that they have on the air quality or the water sources, they would be galvanized into action and start to actively protect the environment. In conclusion, I would contend that a scheme to raise fuel costs may not bring about the desired effect, and therefore other steps to mitigate environmental issues should be considered.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fuel
consumption has
been established
as one of the key contributors to rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that raising energy prices would be an effective way to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In this essay, 1 am going to argue that such a policy is futile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not address the underlying causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and other measures
are needed
.

Advocates of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
costs may argue that in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may discourage citizens from using personal vehicles, thereby reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
cleaner. Consumers,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, are
generally
price-conscious, and
thus
the exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices may gear them towards cheaper and more eco-friendly modes of transport like walking or mass transit.
However
, such reasoning
is flawed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
car exhausts are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. Factories' discharge of effluents contaminates water sources, and deforestation is the main culprit behind land degradation. Adjusting energy prices would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no impact on these phenomena, and
therefore
the view that higher costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
can
effectively
solve global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems should
be rejected
.

Instead
of intervening in the energy market,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should adopt more viable solutions to curb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, stricter punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be administered
on individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who do harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Prison sentences may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participating in illegal logging, and factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be fined
for releasing excessive toxic gases into the atmosphere. These steps ought to
be carried
out in tandem with educating the public about the poor state of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are conscious of the detrimental impacts that they have on the air quality or the water sources, they would
be galvanized
into action and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
actively
protect the environment.

In conclusion
, I would contend that a scheme to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
costs may not bring about the desired effect, and
therefore
other steps to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues should
be considered
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay At some schools, some lessons for young students )ages5-8( include video games as a way to increasethe students‘ interest in learning. Some people believe this a very effective way for young students tolearn; others believe it is too distracting and wa v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts