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TPO 15- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
At this century, parents should teach their children to live financially independent and responsible because they have to deal with different difficulties alone and there may be no assistance from family members. The main reason is that young people today tend to live alone or study abroad by themselves. Thus, this is of great importance to get vital lessons to cope with all the potential situations. When it comes to the money management, controversy surrounds the issue of whether parents ought to let their kids get this lesson at younger ages or not? I am of the opinion that parents have to educate their youngsters to be in control of all financial conditions, and further explanations will elaborate on this matter. One of the most remarkable aspects of the topic which needs a keen contemplation is that young people become more mature about their personal life and also they can plan for their future respectively. In essence, they appreciate the value of their wealth and learn that they can save this amount for other important things to use. Furthermore, children learn better when they are young with fresh brains, and their young mind can imprint everything they learn. Take my personal experience for instance. When I was nine my parent gave me the money to buy my stuff, In fact, they assigned me the responsibility to pay for anything I wanted. It was a great lesson because I wasted all the money on petty things like toys and games, thus at first step, I screwed up. However, after a while, I got the point that I should manage my money on all my requirements. Another striking aspect of the ongoing discussion which demands to be reflected is that by managing their money, children will learn to work hard to gain more money to improve their financial status. If youngsters realize how precious the lesson of controlling the money is in their life, they would never waste what they have earned with the difficulties. In fact, this can make them motivated that by working hard and managing their fiscal matters they can achieve to higher financial states. Paradoxically, there are some justifications by one who argues that kids may waste their time if they pay attention to the financial issues. This manner may be real when they put more importance on the money than their education. Therefore, parents should be wary of the likely side effects and observe their kids reaction by assessing their class performance. By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many solid reasons to hold the idea of teaching children to manage their property because they can learn how to be more responsible towards their life, and also they grasp the value of the money more. Nonetheless, children should pay more attention to their classes and assignments than fiscal concerns.
At this century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
financially
independent and responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
difficulties alone and there may be no assistance from family members. The main reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone or study abroad by themselves.
Thus
, this is of great importance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to cope with all the potential situations. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management, controversy surrounds the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
at younger ages or not? I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
educate their youngsters to be in control of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
conditions, and
further
explanations will elaborate on this matter.

One of the most remarkable aspects of the topic which needs a keen contemplation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more mature about their personal life and
also
they can plan for their future
respectively
. In essence, they appreciate the value of their wealth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
that they can save this amount for other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
better when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
with fresh brains, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
mind can imprint everything they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. Take my personal experience
for instance
. When I was nine my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
gave me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
my stuff, In fact, they assigned me the responsibility to pay for anything I wanted. It was a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wasted all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on petty things like toys and games,
thus
at
first
step, I screwed up.
However
, after a while, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the point that I should manage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on all my requirements.

Another striking aspect of the ongoing discussion which demands to
be reflected
is that by managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
status. If youngsters realize how precious the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
of controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is in their life, they would never waste what they have earned with the difficulties. In fact, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them motivated that by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and managing their fiscal matters they can achieve to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
states.

Paradoxically
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifications by one who argues that kids may waste their time if they pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
issues. This manner may be real when they put more importance on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than their education.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be wary of the likely side effects and observe their kids reaction by assessing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
performance.

By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solid reasons to hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to manage their property
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be more responsible towards their life, and
also
they grasp the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
more. Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should pay more attention to their classes and assignments than fiscal concerns.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
477 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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