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TPO 15- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Most developing countries fail to grow beyond a certain level because of the lack of adequate infrastructure. Hence, some people argue that foreign assistance should be primarily used to tackle this problems. I partly agree with this idea. While I do admit that infrastructure is important, it is not the only factor determining the success of a nation. One of the main problems that plague developing and underdeveloped countries is the lack of adequate infrastructure. For example, many of them do not have a good network of roads or railways. Likewise, they do not have enough power supplies or water distribution systems. Needless to say, foreigners do not want to invest in such countries. Infrastructure development requires a great deal of capital. Since poor countries cannot afford to invest that kind of money, they have to struggle with inadequate infrastructure. Unfortunately, this limits their growth prospects. Developed countries are unlikely to invest in developing countries that do not have good infrastructure. That explains why foreign investors are bullish on countries like China where they have excellent infrastructure conducive for growth. By contrast, few entrepreneurs want to invest in African countries where the infrastructure hardly exists. Needless to say, while China is on the path to growth, African nations are still struggling. Hence, the argument that foreign assistance should be primarily used for building infrastructure certainly holds some water. Even so, it is preposterous to utilize the entire aid received from abroad for building infrastructure. Better infrastructure alone will not ensure the development of a nation. Along with infrastructure, a nation needs healthy and educated citizens capable of giving back to the society. For this reason, it is important to invest in areas such as education and health. In addition to building schools and hospitals the government must ensure that quality education and health care are provided at these places for free or at affordable rates. Social welfare schemes should also be given a push. In conclusion, I contend that infrastructure development is certainly important and a certain portion of the foreign assistance should be used for this purpose. However, it is equally important to invest in key human development areas such as education, healthcare and social welfare.
Most developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
fail to grow beyond a certain level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
assistance should be
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. While I do admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor determining the success of a nation.

One of the main problems that plague developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is the lack of adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
network of roads or railways.
Likewise
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power supplies or water distribution systems. Needless to say, foreigners do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in such countries.

Infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
requires a great deal of capital. Since poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
that kind of money, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle with inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
. Unfortunately, this limits their growth prospects. Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are unlikely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
investors are bullish on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like China where they have excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
conducive for growth. By contrast, few entrepreneurs want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
hardly exists. Needless to say, while China is on the path to growth, African nations are
still
struggling.
Hence
, the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
assistance should be
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
certainly
holds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
water.

Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is preposterous to utilize the entire aid received from abroad for building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
. Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
alone will not ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a nation. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
, a nation needs healthy and educated citizens capable of giving back to the society.
For this reason
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in areas such as education and health.
In addition
to building schools and hospitals the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that quality education and health care
are provided
at these places for free or at affordable rates. Social welfare schemes should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a push.

In conclusion
, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and a certain portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
assistance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this purpose.
However
, it is
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in key human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
areas such as education, healthcare and social welfare.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay TPO 15- In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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