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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.33

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 33
A substantial increase in online shopping will be going to cause local businesses to go out of business. The invention of smartphones and other electronic gadgets are the prime cause in a rapid increase in online purchasing, which will directly affect the economic situation of the business sectors of cities. There are numerous reasons why using online platforms will be going to influence the financial situation of urban business life. Firstly, nowadays, almost all the corporations are using mobile phone applications to communicate with their target audience, whether, it is a fast-food chain or retail business it has become a compulsion to use e-commerce as a tool to sell products. Secondly, enterprises can effortlessly market their products using online tools. Use of search engine optimizing leading the industry standards and transforming and setting new standards for marketing the products. Lastly, from the several years, the retail industry captures the top spot in terms of the revenue only just because they use technology as a driving force to flourish their target audience. Amazon is a leading example as they do not have any physical warehouse or distribution centres, but they are using e-commerce efficiently to organizing the world biggest supply chain. Social media is a responsible element which is causing tremendous growth in online shopping and letting people buy from home without even going to markets. Companies are inclined to put themselves on social media platforms as this has become a trend. According to a study, the world population consists of a substantially young generation, and most of them are using e-commerce websites for shopping and ordering food. For example, The Alibaba express group fulfilling the needs of retailers and providing a direct bridge with industry so that end consumer purchases the product on factory rates. In conclusion, shopping on the internet has made life effortless and letting people shop without even leaving their comfort zone. Thus, in the future use of technology will cause many businesses to close.
A substantial increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will be going to cause local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to go out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. The invention of smartphones and other electronic gadgets are the prime cause in a rapid increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
purchasing, which will
directly
affect the economic situation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sectors of cities.

There are numerous reasons why using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms will be going to influence the financial situation of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
life.
Firstly
, nowadays, almost all the corporations are using mobile phone applications to communicate with their target audience, whether, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food chain or retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
it has become a compulsion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
e-commerce as a tool to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Secondly
, enterprises can
effortlessly
market their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tools.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
of search engine optimizing leading the industry standards and transforming and setting new standards for marketing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Lastly
, from the several years, the retail industry captures the top spot in terms of the revenue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology as a driving force to flourish their target audience. Amazon is a leading example as they do not have any physical warehouse or distribution
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are using e-commerce
efficiently
to organizing the world biggest supply chain.

Social media is a responsible element which is causing tremendous growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and letting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from home without even going to markets.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
are inclined
to put themselves on social media platforms as this has become a trend. According to a study, the world population consists of a
substantially
young generation, and most of them are using e-commerce websites for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and ordering food.
For example
, The Alibaba express group fulfilling the needs of retailers and providing a direct bridge with industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
on factory rates.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the internet has made life effortless and letting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
shop without even leaving their comfort zone.
Thus
, in the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to close.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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