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TPO 13- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.3

TPO 13- The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 3
The process of urbanization has changed and affected the family forms from extended to nuclear families. In facts, the concept of having a big family has weakened among people. As a matter of fact, because more and more people tend to change their social and financial status, the family forms have unavoidably changed in the recent years. When it comes to the importance of the extended family, controversy surrounds the issue of whether there is a decline or not? And what factors cause to this change? I am of the opinion that people today have no faith on living in the extended family, and the following explanations will further elaborate on this matter. One of the most significant aspects of the ongoing discussion which needs to be reflected is that people, today, are financially independent and there is no more need to the support of the extended family to survive. In fact, our world changes rapidly, and technological advances make our life more diverse than ever before. In this regard, there are many new filed or careers to continue in comparison to before. Hence, people have a tendency to work in different sectors than working in what their family provides. To illustrate, perhaps my personal experience can shed more light on this matter. My father and all his brothers had to work on their family farm to raise money for their future; even they need their family support for their marriage. However, I live in a distant place from my parent' s house because I found a well-paid job which is entirely related to my expertise. The main reason is related to the enormous growth in the job market in comparison to the past. Another remarkable aspect of the topic which demands a keen contemplation is that as people are always searching for better opportunities and comfortable life, they move to other cities or migrate to developed countries. In essence, people move to the cities for better job positions that in turn separate family members geographically. Moreover, the high pace of modern life and great stress of work life virtually have made people further away to each other. Take my friend’s mother for instance. She moved to our country to improve her social and financial status. Thanks to this decision she met her perfect match in the workplace and then got married. Paradoxically, some people believe that a family is a place where you can gain real love no matter who you are and what you have achieved. It is like a harbor where you can throw your modern life out and focus more on the fostering right love between each other. Therefore, holding solid connections with your family members also can help you to elevate your spirit morally when you are upset or disappointed about your life. By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many tangible reasons to support the statement that extended family is no more have great importance for people because people today have more control over their financial problems, and also they move to other cities for a better life. Nonetheless, for morally supportive reasons, they need to have contacts with their family members.
The process of urbanization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
forms from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In facts, the concept of having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has weakened among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their social and financial status, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
forms have
unavoidably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the recent years. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, controversy surrounds the issue of whether there is a decline or not? And what factors cause to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
? I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have no faith on living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and the following explanations will
further
elaborate on this matter.

One of the most significant aspects of the ongoing discussion which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be reflected
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, are
financially
independent and there is no more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to the support of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to survive. In fact, our world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
rapidly
, and technological advances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more diverse than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this regard, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new filed or careers to continue
in comparison
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors than working in what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
provides. To illustrate, perhaps my personal experience can shed more light on this matter. My father and all his brothers had to work on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
farm to raise money for their future; even they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support for their marriage.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a distant place from my
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I found a well-paid job which is
entirely
related to my expertise. The main reason
is related
to the enormous growth in the job market
in comparison
to the past.

Another remarkable aspect of the topic which demands a keen contemplation is that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always searching for better opportunities and comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities or migrate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. In essence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the cities for better job positions that in turn separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
geographically
.
Moreover
, the high pace of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
virtually
have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
further
away to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Take my friend’s mother
for instance
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to our country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
her social and financial status. Thanks to this decision she met her perfect match in the workplace and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married.

Paradoxically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a place where you can gain real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
no matter who you are and what you have achieved. It is like a harbor where you can throw your modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
out and focus more on the fostering right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
between each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Therefore
, holding solid connections with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to elevate your spirit
morally
when you
are upset
or disappointed about your life.

By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tangible reasons to support the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is no more have great importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have more control over their financial problems, and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Nonetheless, for
morally
supportive reasons, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have contacts with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 13- The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
533 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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