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Do you agree or disagree with the statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.12

The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 12
Australia has recorded a slightly high rate of obesity among children. Saying that, schools have the leading role of controlling the types of students' food, as well as what exercises they do on a daily basis. This essay will argue why schools should share a responsibility of that. Firstly, students usually spend half of their daily active time at school. Secondly, It has been proven over the time that most of the children used to obey their teachers at school more than adherence to their parents or family. From early morning, children leave their homes to get to school, while they return back afternoon at the earliest. This allows teachers and supervisors to schedule needed awareness sessions to students about what healthy food they need to eat, what they should consider to avoid gaining fat, and what activities they can do to keep an organized lifestyle. For example, Most of private schools and kindergartens in Melbourne have assigned diet specialists. However, all schools there already have physical exercise certified trainers. While children normally listen to their parents and do what they are told to do, a significantly high number of children overall country is most likely follow the instructions they receive from their teachers. Schools must take advantage over this proven theory and manage to regularly track the fatness signs of the students. Referring to" Times" newspaper social experiment carried out in 2002, 80 per cent of students below the third grade ignore their parents' instructions, while attempting to follow their teachers' orders. In a conclusion, wherever issues have been found among children, schools are essential to monitor, track, and lead effective solutions for them. In my opinion, the first line of defence against the childhood flabbiness, as well as front gate to have less obesity rates among children in schools.
Australia has recorded a
slightly
high rate of obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have the leading role of controlling the types of students' food,
as well
as what exercises they do on a daily basis. This essay will argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should share a responsibility of that.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
spend half of their daily active time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Secondly
, It has
been proven
over the time that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to obey their teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more than adherence to their parents or family.

From early morning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while they
Consider using "return".
return back
afternoon at the earliest. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
teachers and supervisors to schedule needed awareness sessions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about what healthy food they need to eat, what they should
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider avoiding".
consider to avoid
gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and what activities they can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an organized lifestyle.
For example
, Most of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and kindergartens in Melbourne have assigned diet specialists.
However
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
there already have physical exercise certified trainers.

While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
normally
listen to their parents and do what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to do, a
significantly
high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overall
country is most likely follow the instructions they receive from their teachers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take advantage over this proven theory and manage to
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the fatness signs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Referring to
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
newspaper social experiment carried out in 2002, 80 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
below the third grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their parents' instructions, while attempting to follow their teachers' orders.

In a conclusion, wherever issues have
been found
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are essential to monitor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, and lead effective solutions for them. In my opinion, the
first
line of
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
against the childhood flabbiness,
as well
as front gate to have less obesity rates among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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