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TPO 14- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

TPO 14- People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
In this century, technology advancement facilitates the communication between different nations from far distances. In this regard, today, people are more fascinated to travel to foreign countries because they know more about other countries culture and beauties. When it comes to the merits of moving, controversy surrounds the issue of whether people should select domestic or abroad trip? I am of the opinion that people should learn more about other cultures and countries to enhance their knowledge and perception about the world they live, and the following explanation will further elaborate on this matter. One of the remarkable aspects of the ongoing discussion which demand a keen contemplation is that traveling can expand one' s outlook, and also amplify one' s experience. Thus, It can be a superb lesson in one' s life. In essence, people require experiencing new perspectives to improve the societies problem. Take my professor' s experience for instance. A couple of years ago, my teacher, Mr. Jake, traveled to industrialized countries to get a better notion about their advances in technology. Based on those trips experiences, he made a high-tech invention related to the power grids energy consumption. Therefore, traveling to other countries can benefit both the society and the people. Another noticeable aspect of the topic is that by going to other countries and seeing unusual life conditions, we can appreciate our excellences and also raise our understanding about the countries which require our help. To illustrate, perhaps my father’s experience can shed more light on this matter. He was volunteered to visit impoverished countries to gather some crucial data about how many people were experiencing the obesity. Although he was traveling between African forests, one of the most intact places in the world, he had to experience the most heart-breaking situations. Paradoxically, there are some believing that if people travel in their country, they foster the domestic economy. As a matter of fact, people buy things, spend their money on the handmade stuff, and also pay for the hotel and the amusement facilities in the city they travel. Hence, they unintentionally help the economy of the whole country. By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are enough reasons to support the idea of traveling to foreign countries because it can improve our knowledge about new advances in some countries, and also we can appreciate our nations privileges and help other countries who are needy. Meanwhile, traveling in our country can bolster the domestic economy of the city we visit.
In this century, technology advancement facilitates the communication between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations from far distances. In this regard,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more fascinated to travel to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
culture and beauties. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the merits of moving, controversy surrounds the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should select domestic or abroad trip? I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to enhance their knowledge and perception about the world they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and the following explanation will
further
elaborate on this matter.

One of the remarkable aspects of the ongoing discussion which demand a keen contemplation is that traveling can expand
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s outlook, and
also
amplify
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
Thus
, It can be a superb lesson in
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s life. In essence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require experiencing new perspectives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "societies'" or "society's"?
societies
problem. Take my
Possible spelling mistake found.
professor&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for instance
. A couple of years ago, my teacher, Mr. Jake, traveled to industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better notion about their advances in technology. Based on those trips
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, he made a high-tech invention related to the power
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "grids'" or "grid's"?
grids
energy consumption.
Therefore
, traveling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can benefit both the society and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another noticeable aspect of the topic is that by going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and seeing unusual life conditions, we can appreciate our
Possible spelling mistake found.
excellences
and
also
raise our understanding about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which require our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. To illustrate, perhaps my father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
can shed more light on this matter. He
was volunteered
to visit impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial data about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were experiencing the obesity. Although he was traveling between African forests, one of the most intact places in the world, he had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the most heart-breaking situations.

Paradoxically
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believing that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they foster the domestic economy. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things, spend their money on the handmade stuff, and
also
pay for the hotel and the amusement facilities in the city they travel.
Hence
, they
unintentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the economy of the whole country.

By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
reasons to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of traveling to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our knowledge about new advances in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and
also
we can appreciate our nations privileges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are needy. Meanwhile, traveling in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can bolster the domestic economy of the city we visit.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 14- People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
419 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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