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TPO-13: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO-13: The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
With the development of the society, there has been a dramatic change in our family structure. People tend to live a smaller size of family than they did in the past, which brings up a question: Is the extended family less important now than it was in the past? As far as I am concerned, my answer to this question is yes. First of all, nowadays people do not stay close to their extended families as they did in the past. With the transportation system becoming more and more convenient, many people tend to leave their hometown to pursue better opportunity for their jobs. As a result, many people live very far away from their extended family and have less chance spending time with them. With time passing by, this type of long distance relationship just does not work. Therefore, it is a normal trend that the extended family becomes less important in our lives. Moreover, many people do not have much time and energy to maintain the relationship with the extended families as they did in the past. Nowadays people need to work much longer on daily base than they did in the past, in order to keep up with the fast pace of the society. Even though many people treasure their relationship with the extended family very much, they just cannot squeeze enough time out of the busy life to maintain the relationship. Consequently, even though people do not want to admit, the extended family become less important than before because they have some many things going on in their lives. Last but not least, the concept of extend family is becoming vague as many children do not have siblings any more. In my country China, a lot of families only have one child because of the policy from government in the past two decades. It is also very common in some western European countries that couple do not want to have kids or more than one kids because of the pressure from the society. There is no doubt that the extended family is less important to those people are living in a more independent and smaller family, which is different from the type of big family in the past. In conclusion, even though the extended family is still important to us to some extent, it is just less important than it was before because of distance, limited time for the relationship and the smaller size of family we have nowadays.
With the development of the society, there has been a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a smaller size of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than they did in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, which brings up a question: Is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than it was in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
? As far as I
am concerned
, my answer to this question is yes.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not stay close to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as they did in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. With the transportation system becoming more and more convenient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown to pursue better opportunity for their jobs.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
chance spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
passing by, this type of long distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
does not work.
Therefore
, it is a normal trend that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as they did in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to work much longer on daily base than they did in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of the society.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treasure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cannot squeeze
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of the busy life to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
Consequently
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to admit, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things going on in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the concept of extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is becoming vague as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children do not have siblings
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
. In my country China,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have one child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the policy from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
two decades. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
western European countries that couple do not want to have kids or more than one kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pressure from the society. There is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in a more independent and smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the type of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the past.

In conclusion
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to us to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of distance, limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
and the smaller size of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
we have nowadays.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-13: The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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