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TPO 11 - Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v.2

TPO 11 - Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v. 2
There is no doubt that new technologies play a decisive role in every individual' s life. in this regard some people are inclined toward the opinion that Internet provide extremely useful information in different area of our lives whereas others hold exactly opposite perspective, believing that this information is not always valid and beneficial. From my vantage point, it will be extremely profitable to use information which is provided by Internet since in this way, we will be able to saving our time, improve our public knowledge and extended our social lives. In the following paragraph I will elaborate on my perspectives. One of the reasons that immediately comes to mind is that valid information which is available in the Internet helps us to save our time and do our tasks fast. For example, I was looking for appropriate job positions after I had finished my college. I did not know for which I was qualified and in which I was interested, so I started to surf in the Internet and get information about job positions which was related to my major. In this regard, I found very practical websites that introduced job positions, their requirements and salaries. by using this information, I found my favorite career with high salary in my town' s vicinity. In fact, the information help both employers and employees to save their time for finding each other. Another equally important reason is that people develop their public knowledge by use of the Internet. That is to say, authentic information in the Internet increases their knowledge in public area such as sports, history and health. before the advent of computer and Internet we had not access to all resources like magazines, books and newspapers or this accessibilities were expensive and time consuming. but nowadays we access to libraries, free online magazines and encyclopedias freely and fast. for example, imagine the situation in which you want to gain information about fitness. you write in search engine like Google and then you find several websites in related to fitness. You easily read the articles or watch movies which describe a method and approach which help you to be more healthy. therefore the internet improve our public information by providing authentic resources. the last but not the least reason is that the internet gives us the information by which we are able to communicate with other people and enhance our social life. This means that reliable information in the Internet, linked people together with same social perspectives so that they joint to teams or groups and share their desires. To clarify this, take the Facebook for instance, in this website, you can find your favorite social activities or individuals. For example, I found native English speaker who wants to learn Persian language, now we are teaching our native languages to each other and furthermore we sometimes talk about our traditions and cultures. this helps both of us to communicate with our people when we go to our each other' s countries and to be familiar with our societies. accordingly, by using internet, we develop social skills and relationships. To wrap it up, I deeply believe that the Internet provides useful information about every aspects of our lives which eliminate time consuming deeds, facilitate our social relationships and strengthen individual' s public knowledge. so new technologies are invented to develop our lives' convenience but the ways which we utilize them are significant concerns.
There is no doubt that new technologies play a decisive role in every
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this regard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that Internet provide
extremely
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
whereas others hold exactly opposite perspective, believing that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not always valid and beneficial. From my vantage point, it will be
extremely
profitable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which
is provided
by Internet since in this way, we will be able to saving our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and extended our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In the following paragraph I will elaborate on my perspectives.

One of the reasons that immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is that valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which is available
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do our tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
For example
, I was looking for appropriate job positions after I had finished my college. I did not know for which I
was qualified
and in which I
was interested
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to surf
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about job positions which
was related
to my major. In this regard, I found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
practical websites that introduced job positions, their requirements and salaries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
using this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, I found my favorite career with high salary in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
town&
#039; s vicinity. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
both employers and employees to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for finding each other.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet.
That is
to say, authentic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
increases their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area such as sports, history and health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
before
the advent of computer and Internet we had not access to all resources like magazines, books and newspapers or
Did you mean "these"?
this
Possible spelling mistake found.
accessibilities
were expensive and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
nowadays we access to libraries, free online magazines and encyclopedias
freely
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, imagine the situation in which you want to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about fitness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
you
write in search engine like Google and then you find several websites in related to fitness. You
easily
read the articles or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
a method and approach which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to be more healthy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
therefore
the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by providing authentic resources.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least reason is that the internet gives us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by which we are able to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and enhance our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life. This means that reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
, linked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
perspectives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they joint to teams or groups and share their desires. To clarify this, take the Facebook
for instance
, in this website, you can find your favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities or individuals.
For example
, I found native English speaker who wants to learn Persian language,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are teaching our native languages to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
furthermore
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
talk about our traditions and cultures.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
both of us to communicate with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when we go to our each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s countries and to be familiar with our societies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
accordingly
, by using internet, we develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and relationships.

To wrap it up, I
deeply
believe that the Internet provides useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
which eliminate
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
deeds, facilitate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships and strengthen
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
new technologies
are invented
to develop our
Possible spelling mistake found.
lives&
#039; convenience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ways which we utilize them are significant concerns.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 11 - Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
573 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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