Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is illegal for employers to rejecting a person applying for a job because of her or his age. Negative or positive development. v.2

It is illegal for employers to rejecting a person applying for a job because of her or his age. Negative or positive development. v. 2
There is a rising tendency that business owners nowadays usually become demanding when choosing employees for their company, specially matters relating to candidates’ age. While this has several benefits, I assert that overall the drawbacks are more significant. Admittedly, business owners have their own justification when hiring a new employee. Some of them believe that age decides the performance of a worker. For instance, if someone nearly reaches to age retirement, it is difficult for them to ensure their health and concentration to accomplish their tasks. Therefore, employers tend to dismiss such people from the CV round. Besides, It is inappropriate for over 45 year-old people to work as an intern in a company. At this age, their experiences should have been accumulated over years so that they could master their work instead of taking risk and finding a new occupation. In spite of the positive sides I mentioned above, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. It is undeniable that age of employees has a crucial role to play in finding a career. In some special fields, students find that it is hard for them to find a suitable job instantly after graduation. Take legal fields as an example. Law students must complete four years curriculum at universities. In addition, they must finish the lawyer certificate in Judicial Academic before being an official lawyer. However, when they apply for positions such as legal executive in companies, employers usually require them to have at least two or three years experience in legal field. It is impossible for fresh graduate. For the above reasons, it seems to me that the benefits of rejecting someone for a job because of their age are negated by the drawbacks.
There is a rising tendency that business owners nowadays
usually
become demanding when choosing employees for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
specially
matters relating to candidates’ age.

While this has several benefits, I assert that
overall
the drawbacks are more significant.

Admittedly
, business owners have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justification when hiring a new employee.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
decides the performance of a worker.
For instance
, if someone
nearly
reaches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
retirement, it is difficult for them to ensure their health and concentration to accomplish their tasks.
Therefore
, employers tend to dismiss such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the CV round.
Besides
, It is inappropriate for over 45 year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work as an intern in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, their experiences should have
been accumulated
over years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could master their work
instead
of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and finding a new occupation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides I mentioned above, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of employees has a crucial role to play in finding a career. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special fields, students find that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to find a suitable job
instantly
after graduation. Take legal fields as an example. Law students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
complete four years curriculum at universities.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
finish the lawyer certificate in Judicial Academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being an official lawyer.
However
, when they apply for positions such as legal executive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, employers
usually
require them to have at least two or three years experience in legal field. It is impossible for fresh graduate.

For the above reasons, it seems to me that the benefits of rejecting someone for a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are negated
by the drawbacks.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is illegal for employers to rejecting a person applying for a job because of her or his age. Negative or positive development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts