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TPO 10 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v.1

TPO 10 - Question 2 All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1
According to statistics, nowadays, the government is facing increasing unemployment in countryside. There are a number of solutions and my views on the most effective that government could take. The authorities of many countries have proposed several solutions to help reduce this situation. First of all, rural workers need skills training because they need professional qualifications and knowledge updates to meet the demands of economic development. This solution is popular because most industries now develop based on high technology that requires highly qualified workers. Second, unemployment after graduation is happening, therefore, to overcome this situation, the period of vocational guidance in schools, combination between family, school and society is extremely necessary. Finally, the government needs to promote searching markets for rural products to increase production demand and create jobs for farmers. For example, exports of products from craft villages such as rice and ceramics are consumed abroad. In my opinion, the best solution that all countries can use effectively is governments need to invest in development both in the countryside and in the cities. At the same time, to develop all branches instead of focusing only a few key industries. As a result, there will be more opportunities for employment options and unemployment rate will decrease significantly. In conclusion, there are many ways to reduce the unemployment of rural people. However, to solve this problem depends on the financial situation of each country so it will take a long time to solve. I believe that with the current world development, countries will quickly overcome this situation.
According to statistics, nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is facing increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in countryside. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
and my views on the most effective that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could take.

The authorities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have proposed several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, rural workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
professional qualifications and knowledge updates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands of economic development. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
develop based on high technology that requires
highly
qualified workers. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
after graduation is happening,
therefore
, to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, the period of vocational guidance in schools, combination between family, school and society is
extremely
necessary.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to promote searching markets for rural products to increase production demand and create jobs for farmers.
For example
, exports of products from craft villages such as rice and ceramics
are consumed
abroad.

In my opinion, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
effectively
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to invest in development both in the countryside and in the cities. At the same time, to develop all branches
instead
of focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few key industries.
As a result
, there will be more opportunities for employment options and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate will decrease
significantly
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
of rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, to solve this problem depends on the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will take a long time to solve. I believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
quickly
overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TPO 10 - Question 2 All children should be required to learn a second language in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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