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TPO 10- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
In todays' world, human beings spend more time on social media rather than with friends and family. Social networks are booming nowadays. Broadcasting the personal data on internet over various social media results to abundance of issues. Moreover, social media is one of the strongest weapons these days to spread any issues. I think the benefits are more when compared to the cons. The following paragraphs give a better insight on this topic. Social media became a part of human life, we are addicted to numerous websites over the internet. Some people utilise in a proper manner, whereas other parts of society uses this in a negative way. Moreover, it is entirely based on the individual, and the type of purpose it is used for. For example, Facebook is one the trending social networking sites can be used in either way. Firstly, procuring knowledge from friends all over the globe. Secondly, can make fake accounts to play with the emotions of others. Although it has some issues, the majority of the masses utilise for educational sake. In todays' world most of the businesses are running over the internet. Promotions to business, movies, new innovations, new ideas are doing in social media. For example, LinkedIn is famous in promoting business and maintain connections with skilled people. On the contrary, certain individuals post their private data among numerous social media. It is recommended to utilise social media with attention. If any data is posted over the internet is can be never deleted permanently. Even though you delete from your account, internet may still have traces of that data. An abundance of people uses social media all over the world so that, it should be carefully utilized. For example, one of my neighbours uploaded his picture on google+ before six years. Although he lost his credentials to that account, his profile photo is shown on Google search. To conclude, social media utilisation differs from each individual. However benefits are higher in number rather than negatives. Although social media is risky to use, it is beneficial to the vast part of society.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
' world, human beings spend more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rather
than with friends and family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networks are booming nowadays. Broadcasting the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
results to abundance of issues.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the strongest weapons these days to spread any issues. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits are more when compared to the cons. The following paragraphs give a better insight on this topic.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
became a part of human life, we
are addicted
to numerous websites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
Consider replacing "in a proper manner" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper manner
, whereas other parts of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
this in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
Moreover
, it is
entirely
based on the individual, and the type of purpose it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for.
For example
, Facebook is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the trending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in either way.
Firstly
, procuring knowledge from friends all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the globe.
Secondly
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fake accounts to play with the emotions of others. Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues, the majority of the masses
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
for educational sake. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
' world most of the businesses are running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet. Promotions to business, movies, new innovations, new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are doing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For example
, LinkedIn is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in promoting business and maintain connections with skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
, certain individuals post their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
among numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It
is recommended
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
with attention.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is posted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the internet is can be never deleted
permanently
.
Even though
you delete from your account, internet may
still
have traces of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
. An abundance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, it should be
carefully
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilize' and 'utilise') within a single text.
utilized
.
For example
, one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
uploaded his picture on google+
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
six years. Although he lost his credentials to that account, his profile photo
is shown
on Google search.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
differs from each individual.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
benefits are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
higher in number
rather
than negatives. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is risky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, it is beneficial to the vast part of society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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