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TPO 10- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
Nowadays, our world is changing rapidly and all human experience a vast improvement and advancement in several fields of engineering and science. In this regard, with the development of the cutting-edge technology in the computer field, many new aspects of the computers absorb people, especially youngsters. When it comes to computer games, controversy surrounds the issue of whether parents should exercise control over their kids or not? I am of the opinion that video games have some detrimental effects on kids and parents should monitor their children. The following explanations will further elaborate on this matter. One of the most interesting aspects of the ongoing topic which needs to be reflected is that young people by playing video games waste their valuable time instead of studying their lessons. As a matter of fact, they play games to pass their time because they believe that they have nothing interesting going on at the moment. Therefore, it is easy for them to get stuck in that rut. Take my cousin' s son for instance. He spent most of his time in front of TV by playing XBOX. In fact, he was glued to the games even for more than eight hours. Thus, he was not able to work on his assignments to get ready for final exams. Consequently, he got terrible grades and school warned his parents for this result. Another remarkable aspect of the ongoing topic which demands a keen contemplation is that playing for many hours may have some harmful impacts on the health of the children. In essence, people need to move or even do exercise to burn their fat and if they sit for more than a given amount they may get serious diseases. This fact should be highlighted when it comes to young people because their organs need to grow and this just can be achieved by their physical activities. To illustrate, perhaps my personal experience can shed more light on this matter. When I was in the elementary school, I tend to play some exciting games like WARCRAFT. Likewise, There was nothing significant going on for me in life, and I felt like doing something important and worthy of my time. Hence, I gained a lot of weight just because of wasting my time without doing exercise or moving. If I had allocated less time playing games, I might have been saving the time spent for losing those extra fats. Paradoxically, young people can expand their horizons by playing some video games. Today, games can help kids to improve their knowledge and also shape their thought. In fact, computer game makers have changed their works content to satisfy both parents and the government. By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many solid reasons for restricting children to play video games, because youngsters may waste their time, and also their health may be affected negatively by not moving and playing for several hours in front of TV. Meanwhile, playing some video games may expand kid' s outlook.
Nowadays, our world is changing
rapidly
and all human experience a vast improvement and advancement in several fields of engineering and science. In this regard, with the development of the cutting-edge technology in the computer field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new aspects of the computers absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youngsters. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, controversy surrounds the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should exercise control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
or not? I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should monitor their children. The following explanations will
further
elaborate on this matter.

One of the most interesting aspects of the ongoing topic which needs to
be reflected
is that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
waste their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of studying their lessons. As a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to pass their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that they have nothing interesting going on at the moment.
Therefore
, it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in that rut. Take my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cousin&
#039; s son
for instance
. He spent most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of TV by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
XBOX. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, he
was glued
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
even for more than eight hours.
Thus
, he was not able to work on his assignments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for final exams.
Consequently
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
terrible grades and school warned his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for this result.

Another remarkable aspect of the ongoing topic which demands a keen contemplation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful impacts on the health of the children. In essence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
or even do exercise to burn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and if they sit for more than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
amount they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
serious diseases. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
should
be highlighted
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their organs need to grow and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
be achieved
by their physical activities. To illustrate, perhaps my personal experience can shed more light on this matter. When I was in the elementary school, I tend to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like WARCRAFT.
Likewise
, There was nothing significant going on for me in life, and I felt like doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and worthy of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Hence
, I gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of wasting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without doing exercise or moving. If I had allocated less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, I might have been saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent for losing those extra fats.

Paradoxically
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand their horizons by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and
also
shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, computer game makers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their works content to satisfy both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

By the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solid reasons for restricting children to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters may waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
also
their health may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by not moving and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for several hours in front of TV. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may expand
Possible spelling mistake found.
kid&
#039; s outlook.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
505 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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