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TPO 35- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

TPO 35- Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
Without any shadow of doubts, all people deserve the privacy in their life. In this progressive world, people' s lives are more vulnerable to the outer occurrences such as their behavior with the others and also their lifestyle. A plethora of individuals is inclined towards the idea that famous people need to run a more private life, while others believe that being in the concentration of the media is one of the outcomes of being a famous person. I am of the opinion that celebrities, like any other people, demand a private life otherwise they may fail in their future career. To support my stance, the following explanation will further elaborate on my perspective. One of the remarkable aspects of the ongoing topic is that famous people' s family members especially children need to pursue their personal life. Unfortunately, to absorb more audience, media has found the lifestyle of the children of the famous people more fascinating and if they do something unusual, they immediately report them as celebrity news to gain more viewer. However, by looking respectfully to their life, we can realize that they are kids and their behavior should not be exaggerated too much. Take one of our famous singer' s son, Sam Green, for instance. As he was under the scope of media' s lenses, he committed suicide just because of not having any private life. The media revealed his relationship without any respect to his privacy. Another reason which deserves to say some words here is that having focused on the life of famous athletes and entertainers could be a waste of money for most of the media. Since they have to watch the life of others secretly, their owners have to pay a lot to prepare suitable devices for their workers to pursue their task. In fact, although this job might look impressive at the first glace, we should look the whole picture. There is a huge competition between different media holders to acquire the fastest image and data from celebrities to gain the advantage of unfolding the news the first. For instance, recently, our government has finally decided to assign a penalty the companies which investigated more than a specific amount in the media, and this decision has led to a great decline in this sector. On the other hand, being in the center of attention of people is one the famous people' s desires. Famous people intentionally try to gain the attention of people towards themselves because this can help them to receive more job requests in their future life. As a matter of fact, after a certain age, they cannot absorb the youngsters, and they will lose many job opportunities such as playing in some commercials or movies. In brief, by contemplating all the reasons mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many solid reasons to foster the idea that famous people deserve to have more privacy. Not only do their kids need to have a private life but also more focus on the life of the famous people is a waste of money. However, there are some believe that celebrities intentionally select to be in the center of attention.
Without any shadow of doubts, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deserve the privacy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this progressive world,
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are more vulnerable to the outer occurrences such as their behavior with the others and
also
their lifestyle. A plethora of individuals
is inclined
towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to run a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while others believe that being in the concentration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the outcomes of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, like any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, demand a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
otherwise
they may fail in their future career. To support my stance, the following explanation will
further
elaborate on my perspective.

One of the remarkable aspects of the ongoing topic is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s family members
especially
children need to pursue their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Unfortunately, to absorb more audience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has found the lifestyle of the children of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more fascinating and if they do something unusual, they immediately report them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
news to gain more viewer.
However
, by looking
respectfully
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we can realize that they are kids and their behavior should not
be exaggerated
too much. Take one of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
singer&
#039; s son, Sam Green,
for instance
. As he was under the scope of
Possible spelling mistake found.
media&
#039; s lenses, he committed suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not having any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
revealed his relationship without any respect to his privacy.

Another reason which deserves to say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here is that having focused on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
athletes and entertainers could be a waste of money for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. Since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of others
secretly
, their owners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a lot to prepare suitable devices for their workers to pursue their task. In fact, although this job might look impressive at the
first
'glace' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "glacé"
glace
, we should look the whole picture. There is a huge competition between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
holders to acquire the fastest image and data from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to gain the advantage of unfolding the news the
first
.
For instance
, recently, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
finally
decided to assign a penalty the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which investigated more than a specific amount in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, and this decision has led to a great decline in this sector.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, being in the center of attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s desires.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intentionally
try to gain the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to receive more job requests in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As a matter of fact, after a certain age, they cannot absorb the youngsters, and they will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities such as playing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercials or movies.

In brief
, by contemplating all the reasons mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solid reasons to foster the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deserve to have more privacy. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do their kids need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a waste of money.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
intentionally
select to be in the center of attention.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO 35- Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
531 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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