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tpo 1 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v.2

tpo 1 At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 2
Controversy exists over whether the amount of financial support that is given to sports and social activities by universities and colleges should be equivalent to that of classes and libraries. I believe, however, sports and social activities are by far more important than classes and libraries since they help students enhance their personal lives, develop social skills, and make progress in their academic studies. The first aspect to point out is that sports and social activities have a positive influence on students’ personal lives. Gathering together to do sports helps students take a break from hectic life and unwind by playing their favorite sports. Consider students who go to sports clubs after their classes. Not only can this activity make them more energetic, but also they may forget about their exam failures. Moreover, some despondent students, who are doing badly in their exams, may have another opportunity to prove their abilities while taking part in sports competitions and feel pleased with themselves. That is to say, the sense of accomplishment which is gained from doing sports can raise their self-esteem. Another more subtle point is that students can improve their social life through sports and social activities. Joining social groups enables students to socialize with their friends and cement their relationships. Students from different parts of the worlds, who may have diverse viewpoints, can spend time together and share ideas. Furthermore, sports clubs can provide programs to help extremely introverted students develop social skills. Exciting carefully planned competitions get shy students to join them and practice spending time with other people. Finally yet importantly, taking part in sports and having social activities assist students in achieving progress in their studies. Competing in sports teaches students how to make determined efforts to succeed. Hardly does anyone makes progress without an incentive. Some coaches can inspire their players to struggle for their dreams. They psychologically boost their morale to try hard, and they can stimulate them to make the same efforts for their studies to acquire better grades. In addition, students who attend clubs tend to do things on schedule to maintain a balance between their social activities and university tasks. Although they may find carrying out the plan tough, they soon notice its tangible benefits through their superb performance at both university and club. To summarize, it is a wise decision to consider sports and social activities to acquire more financial support than classes and libraries due to making students improve their personal life, intensify social skills, and achieve progress in their studies. In fact, studying is not the student’s whole life. It is high time we stopped focusing on improving classes and libraries and overlooking the fact that student' s physical and mental health is closely connected with doing sports and social activities. That is why, the more facilities we offer them, the better we make college students reach their goals.
Controversy exists over whether the amount of financial support
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by universities and colleges should be equivalent to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries. I believe,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are by far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enhance their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
in their academic studies.

The
first
aspect to point out is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Gathering together to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a break from hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and unwind by playing their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more energetic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they may forget about their exam failures.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
despondent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing
badly
in their exams, may have another opportunity to prove their abilities while taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions and feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with themselves.
That is
to say, the sense of accomplishment which
is gained
from doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can raise their self-esteem.

Another more subtle point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to socialize with their friends and cement their relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the worlds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may have diverse viewpoints, can spend time together and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs can provide programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
extremely
introverted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Exciting
carefully
planned competitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
shy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them and practice spending time with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
yet
importantly
, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
in their studies. Competing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
determined efforts to succeed. Hardly does anyone
Did you mean "make"?
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
without an incentive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
coaches can inspire their players to struggle for their dreams. They
psychologically
boost their morale to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and they can stimulate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the same efforts for their studies to acquire better grades.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attend clubs tend to do things on schedule to maintain a balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and university tasks. Although they may find carrying out the plan tough, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
notice its tangible benefits through their superb performance at both university and club.

To summarize
, it is a wise decision to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to acquire more financial support than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries due to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, intensify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
in their studies. In fact, studying is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
focusing on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and libraries and overlooking the fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s physical and mental health is
closely
connected with doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
That is
why, the more facilities we offer them, the better we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reach their goals.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
76Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo 1 At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
481 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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