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TPO 01 - Independent - Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and ex v.1

TPO 01 - Independent - At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and ex v. 1
There has been always much debate over whether sports and social activities are as important as classes or not. Although I do not accept the term equal, I agree that these kinds of activities should receive suffice financial support because they will result in healthy individuals, effective working hours, and increased life expectancy and life quality. To start with, these activities keep students in healthy condition. Health is always an important concern and challenge to society and government. There are two approaches to have a healthy society. The first one is to keep society in healthy condition, and the second one is to cure unhealthy individuals. There is no doubt that the second approach is expensive, and it can become uncontrollable. As the first approach is cheaper and more efficient, society should practice it, and universities and colleges are the best places to start. Secondly, students with healthy body and mind are able to use their abilities more effectively. I can compare my first year and my second year at university to demonstrate this reason. I took a swimming course in my first year; I was energized and happy with my other courses during that year, but I feel sleepy and bored during next year. Finally, these activities will increase life expectancy. As students connect together socially, they will be happier with their life. This happiness increases life expectancy. People with higher life expectancy will be more positive and more available to their society, and this will increase life quality. In conclusion, I stated that equal term is not a suitable word, but these sports and social activities are important, so they should receive effective financial support. Healthy individuals, effective working hours, and increased life expectancy and life quality were the mentioned reasons.
There has been always much debate over whether sports and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as classes or not. Although I do not accept the term equal, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should receive suffice financial support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
individuals, effective working hours, and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
condition. Health is always an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
concern and challenge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. There are two approaches to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
one is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
condition, and the second one is to cure unhealthy individuals. There is no doubt that the second approach is expensive, and it can become uncontrollable. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
approach is cheaper and more efficient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should practice it, and universities and colleges are the best places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

Secondly
, students with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body and mind are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their abilities more
effectively
. I can compare my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and my second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
at university to demonstrate this reason. I took a swimming course in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
; I
was energized
and happy with my other courses during that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel sleepy and bored during
next
year.

Finally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy. As students connect together
socially
, they will be happier with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This happiness increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and more available to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and this will increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality.

In conclusion
, I stated that equal term is not a suitable word,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these sports and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should receive effective financial support.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Healthy
individuals, effective working hours, and increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality were the mentioned reasons.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 01 - Independent - At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and ex v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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