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Do you agree or disagree? Competitions between friends always has a negative effect on their friends? v.187

Competitions between friends always has a negative effect on their friends? v. 187
In this progressive world, where all the technologies are growing dramatically, have you ever taken into consideration how the way can individuals can approach remarkable triumph? There are numerous elements that influence succeeding in each major. One of the most significant factors is motivation. Some people are inclined to the opinion that competition has played a the prominent role of a significant motivator in this sophisticated world as a significant motivator, while others take the opposite perspective that it causes more stress for youth. There is one One remarkable question remains remaining unanswered is that whether this competition between friends are is helpful or not? . As far as I am concerned, I adhere to the opinion that an appropriate competition in recent new friendships is greatly beneficial. The following paragraphs will briefly elaborate my viewpoint. First and foremost, regarding to educational aspect, competition between classmates bring out about more motivation for students. As observation Observation of the progress and hardworking perseverance of some students at school or university, encourages others to study more and pushes aims them toward being more purposeful. When they see others’ great and considerable improvements in grades and researches, other classmates would become more motivated for trying hard on in their studyingstudies. The best example that fits this point is my personal experience as an undergraduate student. It is worth mentioning that my own influential motivation to study hard for passing troublesome dental school entrance exam for dental school was the result admission of my close friend’s admission at to the same field of as mine studying in the previous semester, therefore I tried hard days and nights for to be admitted accepting at to that major. Thus, it goes without saying that these kind of competitions at schools can playshave a remarkable impact on students’ hardworking perseverance and success. Aside from educational impacts, paramount importance of contest in the world of business and economic world is definitely clear to everyone. As an example, when a graduate student observes that his or her close friend is establishing his their own private business independently, is hiring several clerk staffs for his their newly-established company, and his rapid improvements in his their career very soon as well as earning considerable amount of money, he or she would obviously be encouraged to follow him the same way and do the same in his or her career life very soon, because he they would tell to himselfthemselves, that if my close friend with the same university degree as mine and the same professional experience is able to become successful, I would definitely do be able to do the same. therefore Therefore, he or she would accept its the risks during their life for more improvement. howeverHowever, without such kind of motivation, he or she might hesitate for this choice. Consequently, this economic and business activities would be both advantageous for the society due to hiring job opportunities they bring aboutsome people, and its the financial benefits for the country as well as for the mentioned youth monitory independency and enhancing the quality of his personal life. Hence, it is well proven that, watching our friend’s progress would stimulus stimulate us one to set up our his or her personal career. In summary, having considered considering all of the aforementioned reasons leads to the conclusion that a sense of competition between close friends both adults and students has great impacts in on all aspects of their life. it It would contributes to more achievements in enhancing their knowledge and improving in their scientific field of studying alongside more business successfulness.
In this progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, where all the technologies are growing
dramatically
, have you ever taken into consideration how the way can individuals can approach remarkable triumph? There are numerous elements that influence succeeding in each major. One of the most significant factors is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
to the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
has played
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
prominent role of a significant motivator in this sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as a significant motivator, while others take the opposite perspective that it causes more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for youth. There is
Possible typo: you repeated a word
one One
remarkable question remains remaining unanswered is that whether this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are is helpful or not?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
As far as I
am concerned
, I adhere to the opinion that an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in recent new friendships is
greatly
beneficial. The following paragraphs will
briefly
elaborate my viewpoint.

First
and foremost,
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
educational aspect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between classmates bring out about more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As
Possible typo: you repeated a word
observation Observation
of the progress and hardworking perseverance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or university, encourages others to study more and pushes aims them toward being more purposeful. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
others’ great and considerable improvements in grades and researches,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
classmates would become more motivated for trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
studyingstudies
. The best example that fits this point is my personal experience as an undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. It is worth mentioning that my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for passing troublesome dental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
entrance exam for dental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was the result admission of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend’s
admission at to the same field of as mine studying in the previous semester,
therefore
I tried
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
days and nights for to
be admitted
accepting at to that major.
Thus
, it goes without saying that
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
playshave
a remarkable impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
hardworking perseverance and success.

Aside from educational impacts, paramount importance of contest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to everyone. As an example, when a graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
observes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is establishing his their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
independently
, is hiring several clerk staffs for his their
newly
-established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and his rapid improvements in his their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as well
as earning considerable amount of money, he or she would
obviously
be encouraged
to follow him the same way and do the same in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
himselfthemselves
, that if my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
with the same university degree as mine and the same professional experience is able to become successful, I would definitely do be able to do the same.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
therefore
Therefore
, he or she would accept
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for more improvement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
howeverHowever
, without such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
, he or she might hesitate for this choice.
Consequently
, this economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
activities would be both advantageous for the society due to hiring job opportunities they bring
Possible spelling mistake found.
aboutsome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the financial benefits for the country
as well
as for the mentioned youth monitory
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
and enhancing the quality of his personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, it is well proven that, watching our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend’s
progress would stimulus stimulate us one to set up our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
personal career.

In summary, having considered considering
Consider using "all the".
all of the
aforementioned reasons leads to the conclusion that a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
both adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has great impacts in on all aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it It
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "contribute"
contributes
to more achievements in enhancing their knowledge and improving in their scientific field of studying alongside more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
successfulness.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay Competitions between friends always has a negative effect on their friends? v. 187

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
600 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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