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TPO-05 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to suppor v.2

TPO-05 - Independent Writing Task People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to suppor v. 2
It is of no doubt that the lifestyle of people have changed dramatically in the last century. This is mainly caused by the huge advancement in the technologies that was accomplished in this period. In this context, a reasonable person, looking at the lifestyles of the contemporary generations, would at the first glances think that they consume more work in entertainment than in the work they are ought to be doing. However, this is absolutely not the case in my opinion. To begin with, analyzing the reasons that may prompt someone to think in that way, we would realize that the use of advanced technologies has made the life easier for most of the people, especially those who are very skilled and used to using them. This ease of life gives the incentive for someone to think that the people, given that they are putting less efforts that the older generations were putting, are spending only the minority of their time doing productive work. However, these people can do more productive jobs than what their grandfathers could do, exploiting the advanced the technologies available nowadays. Furthermore, the world these days are moving faster in the sense of advancements compared to any other time before. In this sense, we can conclude that this wouldn' t be the case if the people are actually spending more time on enjoyment-doing things than they do on work they are to do. In other words, if the world now is more advanced and more demanding for someone to prove himself in, and despite that, world seems now to be more productive, people must be doing their work more than ever. Finally, it is true that now, people have more choices to do in their free time than people of the older generations had. That is, the advancement of many fields such as, transportation and communication, makes it easy for someone to get more entertained in his free time than someone would in the past. This is a factor that may cause someone to think that people are spending much more time in entertainment than productive work. However, it is not the case, it is just the ease of their life that permits them to do this in their time, and someone should not be deceived by this means. Finally, people now consume more time enjoying than people used to do in the past. However this time is not because they are taking from the time they are ought to be doing their work at, it is just the ease of life that facilitates many things for them, so that, they can do different things in their leisure time. This can be somehow beneficial for them in doing their work as they can take advantage of their rest time and get back to work more fresh and excited to work.
It is of no doubt that the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
in the last century. This is
mainly
caused by the huge advancement in the technologies that
was accomplished
in this period. In this context, a reasonable person, looking at the lifestyles of the contemporary generations, would at the
first
glances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in entertainment than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they are ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
.
However
, this is
absolutely
not the case in my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, analyzing the reasons that may prompt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in that way, we would realize that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced technologies has made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
skilled and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to using them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gives the incentive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they are putting
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts that the older generations were putting, are spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the minority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
jobs than what their grandfathers could do, exploiting the advanced the technologies available nowadays.

Furthermore
, the world these days are moving faster in the sense of advancements compared to any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this sense, we can conclude that this
Possible spelling mistake found.
wouldn&
#039; t be the case if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are actually spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on enjoyment-doing things than they do on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they are to do.
In other words
, if the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
is more advanced and more demanding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to prove himself in, and despite that, world seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than ever.

Finally
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more choices to do in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the older generations had.
That is
, the advancement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields such as, transportation and communication,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more entertained in his free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
would in the past. This is a factor that may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in entertainment than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, it is not the case, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that permits them to do this in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
should not
be deceived
by this means.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enjoying than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are taking from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they are ought to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that facilitates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This can be somehow beneficial for them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as they can take advantage of their rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more fresh and excited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay TPO-05 - Independent Writing Task People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do. Use specific reasons and examples to suppor v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
474 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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