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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.20

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 20
Technology has transformed the world from primitive to advanced one. However, I disagree with this view, that older culture acts as conflict towards the new advancement, but this is not the case. Some people argue that, technology captured the whole world. This is true to some extent, nowadays, job opportunities being open globally, people tend to migrate towards western developed countries to earn and secure themselves financially. Due to this migration they try to follow the western lifestyle and this has spread all over due to which traditional attire in eastern parts has taken aback. On the contrary, this advancement has also given us the chance to re-visit our histories, cultures, languages through many websites. Furthermore, this type of invention helps us to store the required vital information regarding our culture. For instance, Many of the traditional languages are getting extinct, but these can be learnt and preserved on websites. However, I disagree with the idea of wearing traditional attire has fallen back in eastern parts of the world. In India during festivals or even during any occasion females still prefer to wear traditional clothes gracefully like saree and also celebrate festivals in the traditional pattern by taking in account all the rituals associated with them. This also, creates a path to transfer the cultural knowledge to the future generations. Therefore, these values can be kept in existence and make our roots stronger. Secondly, in olden times families were staying together which is still present in many parts of India. Lastly, traditional value such as respect to one another and elders is been nurtured globally. To conclude, technology is a necessary part of human existence and I believe traditional culture should be given more importance.
Technology has transformed the world from primitive to advanced one.
However
, I disagree with this view, that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
acts as conflict towards the new advancement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the case.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that, technology captured the whole world. This is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, nowadays, job opportunities being open globally,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to migrate towards western
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
to earn and secure themselves
financially
. Due to this migration they try to follow the western lifestyle and this has spread all over due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
attire in eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
has taken aback.
On the contrary
, this advancement has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us the chance to re-visit our histories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, languages through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites.
Furthermore
, this type of invention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to store the required vital information regarding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
languages are getting extinct,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and preserved on websites.

However
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
attire has fallen back in eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of the world. In India during festivals or even during any occasion females
still
prefer to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothes
gracefully
like saree and
also
celebrate festivals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
pattern by taking in account all the rituals associated with them. This
also
, creates a path to transfer the cultural knowledge to the future generations.
Therefore
, these values can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in existence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our roots stronger.
Secondly
, in olden times families were staying together which is
still
present in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of India.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
value such as respect to one another and elders
is been
nurtured globally.

To conclude
, technology is a necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of human existence and I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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