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1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.2

1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 2
There are two dimensions of this topic, a group of people asserts that students should start working right after their elementary level schooling; whereas, another group believes that it is essential to complete university-level education and then pursue a reasonable job. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail before reaching a final verdict. To start with, predominantly, young people starting job only after completing their school are more mature and responsible citizens. These people experience on the job challenges and realize that money is hard earned. These workers tend to behave rationally towards money management and utilization. According to the recent survey published by Stanford University, people who start working at the early age are more responsible and have a rational approach towards life. On the contrary, students who complete their university-level education have the liberty to chose a white collar job and pursue a bright career. Attending university will open up new avenues for them to chose from, as they would be aware of multiple career options instead of having limited education that narrows down their career scope. For instance, a university graduate can opt-in different career paths such as engineering, banking or telecommunication leading to a financially stable future. To conclude, both approaches have their own significance. In my opinion, completing the university education outweighs early working perspective, owing to its numerous benefits such as reasonable jobs and sound financial future. In the future, it is expected that people would be inclined to complete the higher level of education instead of early jobs as every successful individual has a tremendous amount of credit to be given to their studies.
There are two dimensions of this topic, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
asserts that students should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working right after their elementary level schooling; whereas, another group believes that it is essential to complete university-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and then pursue a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
predominantly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after completing their school are more mature and responsible citizens. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
challenges and realize that money is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
. These workers tend to behave
rationally
towards money management and utilization. According to the recent survey published by Stanford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working at the early age are more responsible and have a rational approach towards life.

On the contrary
, students who complete their university-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have the liberty
Did you mean "to choose"?
to chose
a white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and pursue a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will open up new avenues for them to chose from, as they would be aware of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
options
instead
of having limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that narrows down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
scope.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduate can opt-in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths such as engineering, banking or telecommunication leading to a
financially
stable future.

To conclude
, both approaches have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance. In my opinion, completing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
outweighs early working perspective, owing to its numerous benefits such as reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and sound financial future. In the future, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be inclined
to complete the higher level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as every successful individual has a tremendous amount of credit to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their studies.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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