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Tourism is encouraged in many countries. Does tourism bring more advantages or disadvantages to a country? v.6

Tourism is encouraged in many countries. Does tourism bring more advantages or disadvantages to a country? v. 6
Several individuals consider that people should work for the same workplace in their lives. Others think that the alteration in workplaces will bring some benefits to them. My essay will discuss both of such viewpoints and give my perspective. On the one hand, the most perspective evidence that working at the same organization has advantages is that workers are capable of moving up the career ladders. In fact, if the workers may work hard and contribute merits to their company, they are able to become leaders of some departments of their firms after some years. Furthermore, employers are likely to value loyalty of employees, so they are willing to offer additional incentives to long-term employees, including bonuses or pension insurances. On the other hand, personally, I believe that the change of workplaces will have a positive effect on workers. First, the workers are likely to acquire new experiences and gain a wealth of knowledge about other jobs. For example, when an employee who used to be a sale manager works as an accountant at another organization, he or she may experience and have knowledge of accounting. Second, a new chance of creating new relationships with other colleagues is to workers. As a result, they are able to learn other skills from the friends, who have experience and knowledge about many fields. In conclusion, although there are some benefits to employees, I believe that they will stand a higher chance to improve other their spheres when they move to other firms.
Several individuals consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should work for the same workplace in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the alteration in workplaces will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to them. My essay will discuss both of such viewpoints and give my perspective.

On the one hand, the most perspective evidence that working at the same organization has advantages is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are capable of moving up the career ladders. In fact, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
may work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and contribute merits to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they are able to become leaders of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
departments of their firms after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years.
Furthermore
, employers are likely to value loyalty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are willing to offer additional incentives to long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, including bonuses or pension insurances.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
personally
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of workplaces will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are likely to acquire new experiences and gain a wealth of knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs.
For example
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a sale manager works as an accountant at another organization, he or she may experience and have knowledge of accounting. Second, a new chance of creating new relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
colleagues is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
As a result
, they are able to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from the friends, who have experience and knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, I believe that they will stand a higher chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
their spheres when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
firms.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Tourism is encouraged in many countries. Does tourism bring more advantages or disadvantages to a country? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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