Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that elder employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.1

Some people believe that elder employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 1
Nowadays, people are gaining more weight and their engagement in physical exercise has equally reduced. This is due to the increase in consumption of processed foods and the effects of technological innovations in humans. Solutions to these problems will also be discussed. To begin with, individuals prefer fast foods to home cooked meals. These foods are known to contain high level of calorie which is not healthy. A recent research by Food scientists shows that these processed foods are the leading causes of obesity in the society. Therefore, consuming high calorie content food is the leading cause of weight gain. Secondly, the use of the internet and television has replaced times spent on physical activities. Most individuals hardly engage in exercise. To illustrate, I usually work out in the gym, but of late, tv programs and surfing the internet takes up most of my time. Also, very short distances are now accessed with cars. People no longer stroll or use bicycles. To clarify, most people depend solely on driving, forgetting that walking is beneficial to the body. This could be another form of exercise and fitness. Furthermore, to curb these problems, the government should encourage people to engage in more physical exercise. This awareness should be more in schools and offices. Dieticians should tell people the benefits of eating healthy meals such as vegetable and fruit diet. So as to shed excess weight and keep fit. In conclusion, although eating fast food and usage of technology has contributed to increase weight in people and reduced fitness, with the help of doctors and also political involvement, individuals will imbibe healthy habits and such problems will be curbed.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and their engagement in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
has
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This is due to the increase in consumption of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and the effects of technological innovations in humans. Solutions to these problems will
also
be discussed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuals prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to home cooked meals. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are known
to contain high level of calorie which is not healthy. A recent research by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that these processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the leading causes of obesity in the society.
Therefore
, consuming high calorie content
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the leading cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and television has replaced times spent on physical activities. Most individuals hardly engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. To illustrate, I
usually
work out in the gym,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of late,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
programs and surfing the internet takes up most of my time.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short distances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
accessed with cars.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
no longer stroll or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles. To clarify, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend
solely
on driving, forgetting that walking is beneficial to the body. This could be another form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and fitness.

Furthermore
, to curb these problems, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in more physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This awareness should be more in schools and offices.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dieticians
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the benefits of eating healthy meals such as vegetable and fruit diet.
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
So as to
shed excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.

In conclusion
, although eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and usage of technology has contributed to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
fitness, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of doctors and
also
political involvement, individuals will imbibe healthy habits and such problems will
be curbed
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that elder employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts