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Today more and more students are going to foreign countries to get highly education? Some people think that it is better for students and foreign countries. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Today more and more students are going to foreign countries to get highly education? Some people think that it is better for students and foreign countries. v. 1
People have different views about whether the most important environmental problem we face today is the extinction of some species of creatures or something else. While the disappearance of some plants and animals has been quite common in the world, I still believe that there are other more emergent issues we should give priority to. It is true that some particular kinds of creatures are dying or has been extinct. Firstly, for most people, the fact can be cruel and emotionally frustrating. After all, we share the same home, namely the earth with these plants and animals, and they can be recognized as our families to some degree. Secondly, the loss of some species is the first step to break the balance of the food chain, which can eventually be detrimental to nature. And we human beings, as a part of nature, will also take a toll in many different ways, which is the reason why we are supposed to protect them, otherwise, we will welcome our own apocalypse. However, my firm conviction is that we have some more basic issues and those hurdles are what we have to overcome first before worrying about the extinctions. First and foremost, the pollution of water, as well as the air, comes to the top of the list. Destroying the environment completely, it can essentially do harm to all creatures living on this planet. For example, the sewage created by some industrial companies has resulted in the death of fishes, and it has influenced some aquatic animals due to the rivers finally merged into the ocean. Despite this, it's necessary for us to pay attention to the problems about global warming. Similar to the pollution issues, it concerns about more basic aspects. In conclusion, I can understand why some people attach most importance to the loss of particular species, but it seems to me that we have to take actions to deal with far more significant issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental problem we face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of creatures or something else. While the disappearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plants and animals has been quite common in the world, I
still
believe that there are other more emergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
we should give priority to.

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular kinds of creatures are dying or has been extinct.
Firstly
, for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the fact can be cruel and
emotionally
frustrating.
After all
, we share the same home,
namely
the earth with these plants and animals, and they can
be recognized
as our families to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree.
Secondly
, the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species is the
first
step to break the balance of the food chain, which can
eventually
be detrimental to nature. And
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we human
beings, as a part of nature, will
also
take a toll in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, which is the reason why we
are supposed
to protect them,
otherwise
, we will welcome our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apocalypse.

However
, my firm conviction is that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
and those hurdles are what we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
worrying about the extinctions.
First
and foremost, the pollution of water,
as well
as the air,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the top of the list. Destroying the environment completely, it can
essentially
do harm to all creatures living on this planet.
For example
, the sewage created by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
has resulted in the death of fishes, and it has influenced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aquatic animals due to the rivers
finally
merged into the ocean. Despite this, it's necessary for us to pay attention to the problems about global warming. Similar to the pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, it concerns about more basic aspects.

In conclusion
, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attach most importance to the loss of particular species,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems to me that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take actions to deal with far more significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more and more students are going to foreign countries to get highly education? Some people think that it is better for students and foreign countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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