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Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v.6

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v. 6
Nowadays, People are giving more importance to their personal happiness due to over burden of office work, Travelling is the best way to reduce their stress all agree that, Society gain profits from there. It is increasing ever and ever. In this essay, discuss what tourism gives too personally and the government. To begin with, Generally when we feel stress first thing is planning to go outside in our brain. In this busy world, everybody gets lots of work and personal issues. If they changed their place they will be getting relief. Tourism gives many memories with nature. For example, Trackking on the mountain, Sitting besides the river and spending time for a walk in the park that's amazing. Getting lots of relief from the brain and physical refreshment. On the other hand, few persons have made a group that might be holy places when some people cannot go to that place that will be useful to them at the same time society gets profits through toll tax etc. In addition, The group of people should pay some amount to the government for every year or six months. Secondly, which place is famous to visit, where it is that related country either state would be known to everyone. That would be earned bill from the tourist. Tourism given employment also in the field that would be employed in places or bus drivers. I have to come to a conclusion, the Society provides tourism to all as well as gain profits from them. Meanwhile, every person getting relaxed from that opportunity if that's related to nature, If that related to holy places they would be praying to loved god.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are giving more importance to their personal happiness due to over burden of office work, Travelling is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, Society gain profits from there. It is increasing ever and ever. In this essay, discuss what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
gives too
personally
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Generally
when we feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
first
thing is planning to go outside in our brain. In this busy world, everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
lots of work and personal issues.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
they will be getting relief.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memories with nature.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trackking
on the mountain, Sitting
besides
the river and spending time for a walk in the park that's amazing. Getting lots of relief from the brain and physical refreshment.

On the other hand
, few persons have made a group that might be holy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot go to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that will be useful to them at the same time society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
profits through toll tax etc.
In addition
, The group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for every year or six months.

Secondly
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
to visit, where it is that related country either state would
be known
to everyone. That would
be earned
bill from the tourist.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
employment
also
in the field that would
be employed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
or bus drivers.

I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion, the Society provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
to all
as well
as gain profits from them. Meanwhile, every person getting relaxed from that opportunity if that's related to nature, If that related to holy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
they would be praying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
god.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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