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Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 5
There is often a dichotomy in opinion on whether money should be given as a present or not to adolescents. Few feels that it is good while others have contradictory views. Firstly, these days teenagers have a different type of choices for gifts, such as, digital games and electronic gadgets while older people may not have much knowledge about it. Therefore, the adults may purchase simple traditional gifts, which might not be liked by them. Therefore, money could be the best option for presenting to the young so that they may buy their preferred products. Secondly, it can be seen that when a person purchases a gift then he or she may not check all the features as well as material while buying it and it may be useless for the receiver. Hence, money should be given to teenagers,   so that they can buy anything after checking all the pros and cons of the product. For instance, when I was in high school, my uncle gifted a watch to me which did not have the modern features like stop watch or world clock and I was not happy with it. Nevertheless, gifts are reminders and whenever a person looks at a present then he or she remembers the person who presented it and therefore Cash as a gift cannot take the place of gifts in kind because people often forget about cash presents. For example, I remember my brother whenever I see the sports shoes he gifted for my first marathon. In conclusion, according to me, though people give cash as a gift to teenagers but purchasing a product instead, will generate more feelings of love and closeness
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a dichotomy in opinion on whether money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a present or not to adolescents. Few feels that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while others have contradictory views.

Firstly
, these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, such as, digital games and electronic gadgets while older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not have much knowledge about it.
Therefore
, the adults may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
simple traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
, which might not
be liked
by them.
Therefore
, money could be the best option for presenting to the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their preferred products.

Secondly
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
then he or she may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the features
as well
as material while buying it and it may be useless for the receiver.
Hence
, money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything after checking all the pros and cons of the product.
For instance
, when I was in high school, my uncle gifted a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to me which did not have the modern features like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or world
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clock and
I was not happy with it.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are reminders and whenever a person looks at a present then he or she remembers the person who presented it and
therefore
Cash as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
cannot take the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
in kind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget about cash presents.
For example
, I remember my brother whenever I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the sports shoes he gifted for my
first
marathon.

In conclusion
, according to me, though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give cash as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
purchasing a product
instead
, will generate more feelings of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and closeness
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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