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In most developed countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend v.2

In most developed countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend v. 2
Thanks to the advancements in technology that made the people live longer than earlier it's used to be. Thus, people in wealthy countries are living longer life than the median is augment day by day. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this vogue. To embark on, medical researcher is one the reason people having a longer life. For instance, a study shows that people who got regular check up and take proper medication live longer than their expected age expectancy. Thus, proper diet and care of the body made people live longer than usual as earlier due to lack of technology people used at die at very small age. Another factor is as they are very rich so they can easily afford any new medical care. For example, pupils who have a lot of money can afford to have a personal, caring assistant for them, which provide medicine and food on time due to which make them live healthier at this age also. On the other side, as people having longer life, it creates a problem for the government as well as family. For instance, if old people are alone, they need someone to take responsibility for them, which at last required lots of money to arrange all these facilities. Which is ultimately a pressure on the families and the government as they require special care and facilities. Therefore, it's a big problem for the authorities as well as relatives. In a nutshell, Although it's good that modern technology has improved the lives of the people and make them live longer than usual, but at a certain point it creates a problem for the government and the environment.
Thanks to the advancements in technology that made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than earlier it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in wealthy countries are living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life than the median is
Consider using a past participle here: "augmented".
augment
day by day. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this vogue.

To embark on, medical researcher is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life.
For instance
, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up and take proper medication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
age expectancy.
Thus
, proper diet and care of the body made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than usual as earlier due to lack of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age. Another factor is as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
afford any new medical care.
For example
, pupils who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money can afford to have a personal, caring assistant for them, which provide medicine and food on time due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthier at this age
also
.

On the other side, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life, it creates a problem for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as family.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are alone, they need someone to take responsibility for them, which at last required lots of money to arrange all these facilities. Which is
ultimately
a pressure on the families and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as they require special care and facilities.
Therefore
, it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for the authorities
as well
as relatives.

In a nutshell, Although it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that modern technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than usual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at a certain point it creates a problem for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In most developed countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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