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Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefit it brings to individual and society? v.3

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefit it brings to individual and society? v. 3
Ups and downs are part of daily life; therefore, some people are willing to accept the current situation, whether it is good or bad. Others, however, believe that their bad situation should be improved, so they would act to make it better no matter what happens. Personally, there is no best solution to every type of problem, but people must learn to deal with each issue they encounter in their own way. On the one hand, it is not easy to accept the tough situation without doing anything about it. Take unsatisfactory jobs as an example. We may wonder why some people could endure such a bad job while there seems to be many other better jobs for them. If we put ourselves in their shoes, we might learn that it could be because they had no choices other than it. Perhaps, they badly need some money to support their family on a daily basis, then it is almost impossible for them to quit the day job. In the meanwhile, to earn a better job opportunity with a higher position along with a higher salary, they need to further their education, which they hardly could find any time for it. On the other hand, it is true that some people could thrive over their hardship as their strong belief that hardships are only challenges to overcome if they would like to be destined for a brighter future. For example, some people totally surrender their current tough situation, accepting an unsatisfactory job, by making excuses that they must work hard to earn money for their family, or that they do not have enough time to pursue higher education. At the same time, others can still balance between their duty of raising their family and their time for education. Instead of sitting around doing nothing, they manage their time to take online courses or they would rather do the night shift to take full-time course at the daytime. Nonetheless, a better future is meant for them because of their sacrifices. In conclusion, from my point of view, there is no right or wrong solution to each person’s problem. Depending on their endurance, flexibility, and life experiences, they could achieve what they wish for; either accepting everything as their destiny, or struggling to improve their situations.
Ups and downs are part of daily life;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Others,
however
, believe that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would act to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
no matter what happens.
Personally
, there is no best solution to every type of problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to deal with each issue they encounter in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.

On the one hand, it is not easy to accept the tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
without doing anything about it. Take unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as an example. We may wonder why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could endure such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while there seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for them. If we put ourselves in their shoes, we might learn that it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had no choices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than it. Perhaps, they
badly
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to support their family on a daily basis, then it is almost impossible for them to quit the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In the meanwhile, to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity with a higher position along with a higher salary, they need to
further
their education, which they hardly could find any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could thrive over their hardship as their strong belief that hardships are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
challenges to overcome if they would like to
be destined
for a brighter future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
totally
surrender their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, accepting an unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, by making excuses that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn money for their family, or that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to pursue higher education. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, others can
still
balance between their duty of raising their family and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for education.
Instead
of sitting around doing nothing, they manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take online
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
courses or
they would
rather
do the night shift to take full-time course at the daytime. Nonetheless, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future
is meant
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their sacrifices.

In conclusion
, from my point of view, there is no right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
solution to each person’s problem. Depending on their endurance, flexibility, and life experiences, they could achieve what they wish for; either accepting everything as their destiny, or struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefit it brings to individual and society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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