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Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1
The economic progress of a country is being noted as a crucial goal of many governments. It is believed that the government focus more on developing the country’s economic status, while others claim that different types of progress must be given a fair approach. This essay will discuss both views in detail and argue why the first view is far more superior than the latter. On the one hand, there are several reasons why economic advancement is vital in a country. Firstly, having a progressive economy attracts more tourists, which increases the tourism rate of a nation. According to a research, which was conducted in Japan, an increase tourism rate is directly proportional to economic progress. This is why the government invests a lot on tourism. Secondly, building streets and railways are possible due to this approach. For instance, in the Philippines, where economic development is not evident, fabricating railways are constrained, which is due to a limited budget. Lastly is the expanding work establishments and job opportunities. For example, in America, they have a lot of vacant positions open for job seekers due to there developed economy. On the other hand, other types must also be given an equal attention. This includes health care, wherein the governance should take action about the expensive medical expenses and medicines. In addition, medical mission programs, such as free checkups, must be implemented in order to serve and reach the people who live in the remote areas. Furthermore, health benefits for employees and elderly must also be improved. Another is education, which must be given necessary action in order to decrease unemployment, which is a major problem in some countries. Moreover, giving free education and scholarships to people will enhance a person’s way of living. In conclusion, it is indubitable that economic breakthrough must be prioritized, in order for the government to earn a budget, which will subsidize the other factors.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
being noted
as a crucial goal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. It
is believed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focus more on developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
status, while others claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of progress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
approach. This essay will discuss both views in detail and argue why the
first
view is far
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
the latter.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advancement is vital in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, having a progressive economy attracts more tourists, which increases the tourism rate of a nation. According to a research, which
was conducted
in Japan, an increase tourism rate is
directly
proportional to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress. This is why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invests a lot on tourism.
Secondly
, building streets and railways are possible due to this approach.
For instance
, in the Philippines, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development is not evident, fabricating railways
are constrained
, which is due to a limited budget.
Lastly
is the expanding work establishments and job opportunities.
For example
, in America, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vacant positions open for job seekers due to there developed economy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal attention. This includes health care, wherein the governance should take action about the expensive medical expenses and medicines.
In addition
, medical mission programs, such as free checkups,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
in order to serve and reach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the remote areas.
Furthermore
, health benefits for employees and elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Another is education, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
necessary action in order to decrease unemployment, which is a major problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, giving free education and scholarships to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will enhance a person’s way of living.

In conclusion
, it is indubitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
breakthrough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prioritized
, in order for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to earn a budget, which will subsidize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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