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It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and for this reason, younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and for this reason, younger workers are to be preferred. v. 1
These days, the ideas in modern job environments have been changed, thus it is believed that workers over 50 will not respond quickly to this and it is better to employ younger people as replacements. In my opinion, I partially agree with this view. To begin with, there are several reasons for employers to use older workers at work place. Firstly, it is certainly true that older employees have more work experiences than younger people that are indispensable in any environment. Obviously, in addition to necessary knowledge of a job at workplace, experience is also a thing which employers need and this factor can be satisfied completely by older employees. Secondly, loyalty factor is also connected with older workers. Undoubtedly, workers over 50 often tend to find stable jobs, whereas young people don’t have trend of working in a kind of job for a long period of time. However, young employees also have some remarkable qualifications which can convince employers to hire them. Responding rapidly to the changes in modern work places is the first important element which can be clearly observed in young workers. For example, as the fast development of the high-tech industry, youngsters will acquire new technology easier and quicker than older people and this brings many benefits to companies. Furthermore, young people have capacities to deal with pressures at work environments better than older ones. There are many pieces of evidence showed that the majority of older workers quit their jobs because they cannot bear an enormous amount of pressures at work. In conclusion, I think that a mix of best qualities of old and young is preferential to ensure the most productive environment evolves.
These days, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
thus
it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
over 50 will not respond
quickly
to this and it is better to employ younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as replacements. In my opinion, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons for employers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place.
Firstly
, it is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are indispensable in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Obviously
,
in addition
to necessary knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at workplace, experience is
also
a thing which employers need and this factor can
be satisfied
completely by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees.
Secondly
, loyalty factor is
also
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
over 50
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to find stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have trend of working in a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a long period of time.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remarkable qualifications which can convince employers to hire them. Responding
rapidly
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places is the
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element which can be
clearly
observed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
For example
, as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of the high-tech industry, youngsters will acquire new technology easier and quicker than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have capacities to deal with pressures at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pieces of evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot bear an enormous amount of pressures at work.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a mix
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the best".
of best
qualities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
is preferential to ensure the most productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
evolves.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been claimed that workers over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and for this reason, younger workers are to be preferred. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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