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Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extend do you agree or disagree v.2

Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. v. 2
The people ask why we should support capital sanction. Some of them say that we should care about criminal person’s humanitarian situation, including his family and his kids. Others, proponents of this punish, believe this vision, stopping execute for the killer, will result in an unsafe world and an increase the violated rate. Firstly, it truly said that this punishments stop misbehaviour, so all countries use them to prevent any misconduct coming through their citizens. Firstly, this enforces people to respect the rule. If the crimes have stronger legitimately punishments, would lead people to considerably avoid. For example, it says needlessly that the average of the murder lawsuit is less than the fraudulent. That can be explained by saying that the punishment for the murder is stronger than the fraudulent. As a result, compared with the weak punishment, the strong sanction makes the world safer. On the other hand, not only do the weak punishments lead people to be tolerated with the rule, it also increases the rate of crime. It is said loudly that some of the murders, spending their life in prison, kill another civilian in prison. That increase the rate of crime. These prisoners may try to hurt their victim’s families and any person, testified against them. If these people escape from their prison, they will do with their victim’s families. In conclusion, theoretically, we should mercy the murder people because of humanitarian. Presumably, these killers should have thought before they had made their mistake. It seems clear that testification on neglection of murder sanction will lead to encourage these killer and imminent attack toward the civil society. For this reason, I support to kill killer people, but it should insure their legitimate rights.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ask why we should support capital sanction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that we should care about criminal person’s humanitarian situation, including his family and his kids. Others, proponents of this punish, believe this vision, stopping execute for the killer, will result in an unsafe world and an increase the violated rate.

Firstly
, it
truly
said that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any misconduct coming through their citizens.
Firstly
, this enforces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to respect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. If the crimes have stronger
legitimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
, would lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
considerably
avoid.
For example
, it says
needlessly
that the average of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
lawsuit is less than the fraudulent. That can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by saying that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
is stronger than the fraudulent.
As a result
, compared with the weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, the strong sanction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world safer.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be tolerated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, it
also
increases the rate of crime. It
is said
loudly
that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murders
, spending their life in prison, kill another civilian in prison. That increase the rate of crime. These prisoners may try to hurt their victim’s families and any person, testified against them. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
escape from their prison, they will do with their victim’s families.

In conclusion
,
theoretically
, we
The word 'mercy' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should mercy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of humanitarian. Presumably, these killers should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they had made their mistake. It seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
testification
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
neglection
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
sanction will lead to encourage
Did you mean "this killer" or "these killers"?
these killer
and imminent attack toward the civil society.
For this reason
, I support to kill killer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should insure their legitimate rights.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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