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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is there a traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is there a traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

essay2 Part QuestionsMusic ImportanceTraditional Vs International
Writing Structure
Music, the way of delivering our emotions by transformation and expression, has become pivotal in our daily lives. From classical music to k-pop music, there are many types of music in the world today. Traditional music, which was played by ancestors, is the crucial method of keeping local traditions and history while international music is the trend these days. As more types of music are emerging and we are getting easier accessibility towards music, we need to think about why we need music. To take an example of me, I’ve played many different instruments and participated in choir since I was young. Music makes me feel comfortable like my best friend and is a medium through which I can express my emotions. For people who feel lonely and don’t have someone who can hear them carefully, music can be the best way for reassuring their mind. Music also enables me to recall my memories and reflect on myself. While playing music, we can face difficulties. However, when we address these hard things by ourselves without someone’s help, we can develop self-confidence in our problem-solving skills. Music helps people think carefully in terms of learning new notes, rhythms, and lyrics and motivates them when they overcome hardships and successfully finish playing those pieces. Whether the traditional music of a country is more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays is a debatable question. I think these two options have their own values in different areas. Traditional music of a country is valuable when it comes to preserving traditions and heritage while international music is vital in this fast-paced world where we follow trends of the music like k-pop. In my opinion, the balance between traditional music and international music would be the best choice to adapt to the constantly changing music world these days, while preserving local traditions.
Introduction
Background Information

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Thesis Statement

Body Paragraph 1
Example Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Body Paragraph 2
Topic Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Supporting Sentence

Concluding Sentence

Conclusion
Restatement of Thesis

Summary of Main Points

Final Thought

Overall Band Score: 6.5
Task Achievement
7
The essay addresses the task effectively, discussing the importance of music and comparing traditional and international music. However, some points could be further developed.
Lexical Resource
6.5
The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice.
Coherence & Cohesion
7
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ideas are logically sequenced, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Grammatical Range
6
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing.

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