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Topic The only way to improve road safety is to much stricter punishment on driving offenses To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Topic The only way to improve road safety is to much stricter punishment on driving offenses v. 1
According to some people, the best way to cope an adverse situation like a poor career and monetary loss is to accept it, while others believe that struggle to improving a condition is a better approach. In opinion, efforts should be placed as it can transform one's fate. Whenever people encounter a bad situation in the form of unacceptable job or inadequate money, it is a general trend that people accept it and try to live with it considering it fate and destiny. In other words, they landed in this situation because it was written in fate and no amount of hard work or physical struggle could change it. Since, God put them in this situation so it will be Him to take them out of this state and Nature heals everything with time. For instance, the famous writer Paulo Coehlo in his famous book alchemist writes that if a situation is adverse it is not the end of the story. Eventually every story has a happy ending so they accept the situation. On the other hand, people argue and I agree that a bad patch in ones` life can only be improved if one puts hard work. That is to say if someone is not content with his position he should try to improve his qualification and skills, only then he will be able to compete for a better career. If one runs short of money he should work hard, do overtime work than he will be able to get money. Situations do not shift spontaneously unless one works hard to improve it. In conclusion, while people argue that they should accept a lower income job or lack of money, I strongly believe that people should try to improve the situation by working hard only then they will be able to spend a prosperous life.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the best way to cope an adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
like a poor career and monetary loss is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it, while others believe that struggle to improving a condition is a better approach. In opinion, efforts should
be placed
as it can transform one's fate.

Whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encounter a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in the form of unacceptable job or inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is a general trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with it considering it fate and destiny.
In other words
, they landed in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
was written
in fate and no amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or physical struggle could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it. Since, God put them in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be Him to take them out of this state and Nature heals everything with time.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
writer Paulo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Coehlo
in his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
book alchemist writes that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is adverse it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the story.
Eventually
every story has a happy ending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the situation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
patch in ones` life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if one puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
That is
to say if someone is not content with his position he should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his qualification and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then he will be able to compete for a better career. If one runs short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, do overtime
Use "worker" to make a comparison with this adjective.
work
than he will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Situations
do not shift
spontaneously
unless one works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
a lower income job or lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
by working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then they will be able to spend a prosperous life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic The only way to improve road safety is to much stricter punishment on driving offenses v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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