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The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 1
There are different views about how governments should allocate public money. Some people believe that taxes should be spent on medical treatment. However, I would argue that it is better if governments focus on promoting healthy lifestyles. Firstly, by raising peoples' awareness about healthy lifestyle, governments can prevent health problems effectively. Today, many common diseases like obesity, heart disease are the results of an unhealthy lifestyle. These illnesses could be easily prevented by having a healthy diet and regular exercise. For example, the British Government recommends eating five portions of fruit and vegetables per day, this result in a decrease in the rate of people with diabetes. Secondly, spending money on promoting healthy lifestyles could save a lot of money and effort. In contrast to the healthcare services, running campaigns to raise people awareness is much cheaper and more effective. For example, an activity name Running Day in my country which takes place in 2/4 annually is a great and efficient way to educate people about the importance of daily exercising. Lastly, spending money on treatment for patients is a waste of money. Some diseases such as cancer or asthma that cannot be cured, which is just a waste of time and resources if governments allocate taxes to those. Some people might argue that by spending money on health care, governments help poor people have the chance to approach medical treatment. This might be true to some extent, however, I would argue that public money should be used in favour of the whole society, not a small group of individuals. In conclusion, I reaffirm my opinion that taxes should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than providing medical treatment.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that taxes should
be spent
on medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
However
, I would argue that it is better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
focus on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles.

Firstly
, by raising peoples' awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health problems
effectively
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
common diseases like obesity, heart disease are the results of an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. These illnesses could be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and regular exercise.
For example
, the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
recommends eating five portions of fruit and vegetables per day, this result in a decrease in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with diabetes.

Secondly
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
could save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and effort.
In contrast
to the healthcare services, running campaigns to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
awareness is much cheaper and more effective.
For example
, an activity name Running Day in my country which takes place in 2/4
annually
is a great and efficient way to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the importance of daily exercising.

Lastly
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
for patients is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
diseases such as cancer or asthma that cannot
be cured
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time and resources if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
allocate taxes to those.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on health care,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the chance to approach medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. This might be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
however
, I would argue that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the whole society, not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of individuals.

In conclusion
, I reaffirm my opinion that taxes should
be spent
on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
rather
than providing medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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