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Topic: Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion? v.2

Topic: Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 2
Some people think that protecting animals and birds is excessively attracting concern and resources of society. Personally, I would argue that although much attention and a large budget are given, the protection of wild species is worth being focused on. On the one hand, there are several reasons why people are paying much attention and allocate many resources to protect wildlife. First, many non-governmental organizations have been globally established, the vision of which is to guarantee the survival of wild animals and birds. This undoubtedly attracts a great deal of social attention via a variety of their programmes. For example, The WildAid Campaign whose aim is to protect endangered species has drawn incredible community’s attention by appointing the football star David Beckham as its lead ambassador. Second, being globally conducted, some protection programmes could cost a huge amount of money to build infrastructure or carry out researches. If they are not allocated budget enough, their aims are hardly achieved. However, I believe that the current social concern and budget are really necessary because of the importance of nature. The first reason is that protecting wild animals and birds would maintain the balance of the ecosystem, which ensures the survival of various creatures on the earth, and the human race is of no exception. If just only a few species became extinct, the ecosystem would be disturbed, threatening the existence of a vast number of other species. Additionally, because natural habitats are really crucial for human life, preserving the habitats to protect the wildlife significantly benefits human. For instance, rainforests produce oxygen, absorb CO2 and stabilize the earth climate. In conclusion, while much concern and many resources are focused on the protection of wild animals and birds, these creatures deserve to be protected because of their vital role in human’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
is
excessively
attracting concern and resources of society.
Personally
, I would argue that although much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
and a large budget are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the protection of wild species is worth
being focused
on.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are paying much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
and allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources to protect wildlife.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-governmental organizations have been globally established, the vision of which is to guarantee the survival of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
. This
undoubtedly
attracts a great deal of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
via a variety of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
For example
, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
WildAid
Campaign whose aim is to protect endangered species has drawn incredible community’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
by appointing the football star David Beckham as its lead ambassador. Second, being globally conducted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
protection
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
could cost a huge amount of money to build infrastructure or carry out researches. If they are not allocated budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, their aims are hardly achieved.

However
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social concern and budget are
really
necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the importance of nature. The
first
reason is that protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
would maintain the balance of the ecosystem, which ensures the survival of various creatures on the earth, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race is of no exception. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few species became extinct, the ecosystem would
be disturbed
, threatening the existence of a vast number of other species.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
natural habitats are
really
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life, preserving the habitats to protect the wildlife
significantly
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
.
For instance
, rainforests produce oxygen, absorb CO2 and stabilize the earth climate.

In conclusion
, while much concern and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources
are focused
on the protection of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
, these creatures deserve to
be protected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Topic: Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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