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Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion? v.3

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 3
There is an argue about whether or not we should spend too much attention and too many resources on protecting wild animals and birds. In my opinion, such attention and resources should be spent on more meaningful field. Not all of animals need people protection. Great resources and effort should only be spent to protect those which stand near the brink of extinction like rhino, lion, cheetah, . . . Giving rare species of animals good protection is a good way to prevent the smuggling of animal body' s parts like horn, bone or skin, . . . There are all so some downfalls of the effort to raise human' s consciousness. For example, In 2012, PETA requested Ubisoft, a game company, to eliminate sea animal hunting missions in the game Assassin' s Creed, Because they thought that It would be inappropriate to kill some sharks or whales in a game. While, PETA has killed thousand of stray dogs and cats due to the inability of taking care on of them at the same time. Researchers has putted a vast resources on bringing back some extincted birds by DNA modification and of course. The question is that What is the point of bringing back these extincted birds and then we must spent money to devise plans to protect them and built up the suitable habitats. It would be wiser, If we can shift thoes resources to develop grand plans to coop with the increasing of population, to reasonable treatments for those who live in third world countries, to prevent the warming of the Earth. In conclusion, only a slight amount of attention and resources is good for protecting animals and birds. What left should be spend on key fields.
There is
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'argue' is correct. If 'argue' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an argue
about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
we should spend too much attention and too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources on protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
. In my opinion, such attention and resources should
be spent
on more meaningful field.

Not all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
protection. Great resources and effort should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be spent
to protect those which stand near the brink of extinction like rhino, lion, cheetah
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Giving rare species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
protection is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the smuggling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Possible spelling mistake found.
body&
#039; s parts like horn, bone or skin
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
There are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downfalls of the effort to raise
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s consciousness.
For example
, In 2012, PETA requested Ubisoft, a game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, to eliminate sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
hunting missions in the game
Possible spelling mistake found.
Assassin&
#039; s Creed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that It would be inappropriate to kill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sharks or whales in a game. While, PETA has killed
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of stray dogs and cats due to the inability of taking care on of them at the same time.

Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "researcher has".
Researchers has
putted a vast
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "resource"?
resources
on bringing back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extincted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
by DNA modification and
of course
. The question is that What is the point of bringing back these extincted
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
birds and
then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spent money to devise plans to protect them and built up the suitable habitats. It would be wiser, If we can shift
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoes
resources to develop grand plans to coop with the increasing of population, to reasonable treatments for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in third world countries, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the warming of the Earth.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a slight amount of attention and resources is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
. What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on key fields.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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