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Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion? v.1

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 1
It is irrefutable that government has number of tasks to perform to protect different types of species including humans. Excess care and more than the requirement of resources are being deployed to protect wild animals and birds is said by some people. In my opinion, I agree and believe that we should focus more on humans as resources are limited. One reason is that we have many more serious challenges to cover such as safety of humans rather than focusing on birds and wild animals. Poverty and lack of medicines against deadly infections are the major issues of the current world, therefore the government must allocate more funds on such issues to control the deaths of human being. For instance, a survey from World health organization revealed that every day uncounted people are dying because of poor living conditions and lack of medicines to cure from fatal diseases like cancer and HIV. Another reason is that extinction of one species from the world has limited effect on other species and the environment, thus spending huge money and other resources to protect these species is unjustified. For example, disappearance of species dodo birds from Malaysian island has zero effect on other species on that island. Hence, it is a wasteful approach to appoint numerous scientists on the behaviour and study of such species. In conclusion, human problems are more serious to cover and resources are little in quantity. However, vanishing of wild animals and birds is not effecting to this world at major levels, therefore, we should not give more focus and resources on such issues.
It is irrefutable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has number of tasks to perform to protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of species including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Excess care and more than the requirement of resources
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
being deployed
to protect wild animals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
is said
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and believe that we should focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
as resources
are limited
.

One reason is that we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more serious challenges to cover such as safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
rather
than focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
and wild animals. Poverty and lack of medicines against deadly infections are the major issues of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate more funds on such issues to control the deaths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being.
For instance
, a survey from
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
World health organization
revealed that every day uncounted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor living conditions and lack of medicines to
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cure of"?
cure from
fatal diseases like cancer and HIV.

Another reason is that extinction of one species from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has limited effect on other species and the environment,
thus
spending huge money and other resources to protect these species
is unjustified
.
For example
, disappearance of species dodo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
from Malaysian island has zero effect on other species on that island.
Hence
, it is a wasteful approach to appoint numerous scientists on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and study of such species.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
problems are more serious to cover and resources are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in quantity.
However
, vanishing of wild animals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birds
is not effecting to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
at major levels,
therefore
, we should not give more focus and resources on such issues.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. about this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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