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Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent v. 2
There is no doubt that people in this generation should have multi-skilled capabilities in various subjects. It is argued that in addition to the traditional three core subjects which are writing, reading and mathematics. However, with advancement in technology, utilizing computer-related skills should be incorporated into the modern school curriculum. I completely agree with this viewpoint and I will give my support in this essay. The major reason explaining why I agree this idea is because computer skills have some benefits for society as a whole. There are several specialists in each subject, including mathematician, biologist or even chemist, but we have a few hybrid persons who can apply their specific knowledge with computer skill. For example, many statistical programs are created difficultly due to programmers know a little of statistics and also statistician has less programming skill. Another argument raised by engineers who need stimulating process before following their plans. Because they want to reduce risks which may happen during operation. With improving manufacturing quality, the authorities relating to education should make computer to be one amongst main subjects in primary school, high school and university. On the other hand, without computerizing methods in education, students would take a long time to understand some complex lessons. For example, accessing online materials interact immediately make users feel comfortable. In addition, with a command of computer skills, they can further boost their study productivity by various applications installed on the computer like Photoshop, Chemdraw and Yenka. Furthermore, hundreds of researchers have shown that students will certainly face difficulties in seeking a job, as there is a lack of soft skills. Lastly, the substantial of applying computer contribute to inventing new innovations, improving former theories correctly and increase the number of well-educated workforces. In conclusion, all of subjects have played a significant role in the student’s life. For the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that the changes occurring to add computer skills are a positive step toward a better world.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in this generation should have multi-skilled capabilities in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. It
is argued
that
in addition
to the traditional three core subjects which are writing, reading and mathematics.
However
, with advancement in technology, utilizing computer-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be incorporated
into the modern school curriculum. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint and I will give my support in this essay.

The major reason explaining why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for society as a whole. There are several specialists in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, including mathematician, biologist or even chemist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we have a few hybrid persons who can apply their specific knowledge with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
statistical programs
are created
difficultly
due to programmers know a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
of statistics and
also
statistician has less programming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. Another argument raised by engineers who need stimulating process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
following their plans.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
which may happen during operation. With improving manufacturing quality, the authorities relating to education should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
computer to be one amongst main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in primary school, high school and university.

On the other hand
, without computerizing methods in education, students would take a long time to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complex lessons.
For example
, accessing online materials interact immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
users feel comfortable.
In addition
, with a command of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, they can
further
boost their study productivity by various applications installed on the computer like Photoshop,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chemdraw
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yenka
.
Furthermore
, hundreds of researchers have shown that students will
certainly
face difficulties in seeking a job, as there is a lack of soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Lastly
, the substantial of applying computer contribute to inventing new innovations, improving former theories
correctly
and increase the number of well-educated
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
.

In conclusion
, all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have played a significant role in the student’s life. For the reasons I have mentioned above, I
strongly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occurring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step toward a better world.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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