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Topic: Some people believe that smoking should be banned due to its effects, others argue that smoking has too many benefits to be banned. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

Topic: Some people believe that smoking should be banned due to its effects, others argue that smoking has too many benefits to be banned. 1
The basic responsibility of an educational Institution is to enable students to learn manners, however, these days, many schools across the world are struggling to achieve control over students conduct. The main contributors of this situation are busy lifestyles of parents and access to the internet. This essay will further elaborate the given factors and suggests viable solutions. The way a child behaves is directly proportional to care taken by parents and keeping watch on their activities. Parents who trust with the schools forget the fact that in the latter half of a day their children are left unattended. On top of that, the network access provided to them pushes students into wrong path due to wide availability of information at a young age. A study suggests that, 70% of students who have an indifferent attitude in the classroom are the once who have working parents. This proves that leaving a child unattended may affect student’s actions. Students after school hours therefore can be engaged in leisure activities in sports academies, this will not only ensure that the child is under an adult’s supervision, but also assure the growth mindset. Also, when children are at home with devices, the applications such as safeguard must be installed that will limit the inflow of data and keep track of what content a child is exposed to. Keeping students monitored at all times of day, for instance, will develop a fear of getting caught doing wrong deeds. Clearly, these two measures will certainly contribute to the young people’s activities. In conclusion, young minds learn new things on a daily basis, neglecting them would have a high probability of bad effects on child, in turn will have an impact on the school environment. Hence, parents, if they are working, could also find means to keep their children under supervision to provide guidance and understanding of right and wrong habits.
The basic responsibility of an educational Institution is to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn manners,
however
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
across the world are struggling to achieve control over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
conduct. The main contributors of this situation are busy lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and access to the internet. This essay will
further
elaborate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
factors and suggests viable solutions.

The way a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
behaves is
directly
proportional to care taken by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on their activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who trust with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
forget the fact that in the latter half of a day their children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended.
On top of that
, the network access provided to them pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path due to wide availability of information at a young age. A study suggests that, 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have an indifferent attitude in the classroom are the once who have working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This proves that leaving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
unattended may affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
actions.

Students after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours
therefore
can
be engaged
in leisure activities in sports academies, this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is under an adult’s supervision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
assure the growth mindset.
Also
, when children are at home with devices, the applications such as safeguard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be installed
that will limit the inflow of data and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of what content a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is exposed
to. Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
monitored at all times of day,
for instance
, will develop a fear of getting caught doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds.
Clearly
, these two measures will
certainly
contribute to the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s activities.

In conclusion
, young minds learn new things on a daily basis, neglecting them would have a high probability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, in turn will have an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, if they are working, could
also
find means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their children under supervision to provide guidance and understanding of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Some people believe that smoking should be banned due to its effects, others argue that smoking has too many benefits to be banned. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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