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Talk about a time when you saved money for a special occasion. Please say- What was it for? - How did it feel? - Did you tell anyone about it? v.1

Talk about a time when you saved money for a special occasion. Please say- What was it for? - How did it feel? - Did you tell anyone about it? v. 1
In today's world, online networking sites have become popular amongst all age groups. Some may argue that the negative impact of social networking sites such as Facebook outweigh the positives, however, others may differ from this opinion. In my perspective, networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individual and society. This essay gingerly delineates both the viewpoints in the following paragraphs. Networking sites like Facebook make people lazy. Moreover, a person's status is defined by the number of friends he/she has online. Because of which, online friends are given more importance compared to real ones. People seek for validation online, which has also lead to an increase in peer pressure and the need to look and act perfect. To substantiate my point further, a research shows that forty percent of teenagers feel the pressure to look good on social media; it has found that they compare their real life with the short moments posted online, which leads to depression and dissatisfaction amongst them. Furthermore, online platforms are not full proof and they could prove to be a good way to hack and cyber-bully people. This could also lead to panic and depression. However, some argue that social media has made life easier. It helps people all around the world to connect. Networking sites have made it possible for people to connect with old school friends. Moreover, parents could also use it to keep track of what is happening in their Childrens' lives. It could also end up motivating people. To exemplify my point, following a person who has a healthy lifestyle on social media could also motivate one to do the same. In a nutshell, the negative impact of social media is far more than the positives. I would say that social sites could be used productively if one restricts its usage and prevents it from impacting one's mental and emotional well-being.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have become popular amongst all age groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
such as Facebook outweigh the positives,
however
, others may differ from this opinion. In my perspective, networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both individual and society. This essay
gingerly
delineates both the viewpoints in the following paragraphs.

Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy.
Moreover
, a person's status
is defined
by the number of friends he/she has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
friends are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more importance compared to real ones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seek for validation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which has
also
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
to an increase in peer pressure and the need to look and act perfect. To substantiate my point
further
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that forty percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
feel the pressure to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
; it has found that they compare their real life with the short moments posted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which leads to depression and dissatisfaction amongst them.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms are not full
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
proof and
they could prove to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to hack and cyber-bully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This could
also
lead to panic and depression.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has made life easier. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world to connect. Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have made it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
school friends.
Moreover
, parents could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of what is happening in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To exemplify my point, following a person who has a healthy lifestyle on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could
also
motivate one to do the same.

In a nutshell, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is far more than the positives. I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
productively
if one restricts its usage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
it from impacting one's mental and emotional well-being.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Talk about a time when you saved money for a special occasion. Please say- What was it for? - How did it feel? - Did you tell anyone about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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