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The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. v. 1
It is argued that manufacturers and supermarkets are accountable for less usage of the amount of packaging. Some consider that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. This essay will discuss both viewpoints. On the one hand, it is undeniable that manufacturers and supermarkets are the roots of the problem, since they are prime producers and promoters of customer goods. As a result, by redesigning packaging process, the amount of packaging for goods may be decreased. For example, Take milk bottles, if supermarkets made them thinner or even replaced them with carton bottles, they would have a tremendous impact on the amount of plastic consumed. In supermarkets, for another example, they are able to replace plastic bags, which contain products that customers chose, by paper bags. Hence, the a large amount of plastic bags can be reduced. On the other hand, I think that buyers have an effect on reducing packaging. It is obvious that manufacturers and supermarkets are willing to meet the satisfaction of customers. This leads to that producers and supermarkets will cut down on packaging in the process of making products, if buyers' demand is towards environmentally friendly actions. For instance, today with the spread of environmental protection, in Vinmarts, supermarkets in Vietnam, they are willing discount one percent of the costs of goods, should customers do not use plastic bags. In conclusion, although manufacturers and supermarkets are responsible for reducing the amount of packaging, I believe that customers should carry their weight of the problem.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
and supermarkets are accountable for less usage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
should avoid buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
. This essay will discuss both viewpoints.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
and supermarkets are the roots of the problem, since they are prime producers and promoters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
As a result
, by redesigning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
process, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
may
be decreased
.
For example
, Take milk bottles, if supermarkets made them thinner or even replaced them with carton bottles, they would have a tremendous impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
consumed. In supermarkets, for another example, they are able to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
bags, which contain products that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
chose, by paper bags.
Hence
,
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
bags can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that buyers have an effect on reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
and supermarkets are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the satisfaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. This leads to that producers and supermarkets will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
in the process of making products, if buyers' demand is towards
environmentally
friendly actions.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
with the spread of environmental protection, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vinmarts
, supermarkets in Vietnam, they are willing discount one percent of the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
bags.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
and supermarkets are responsible for reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaging
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
should carry their weight of the problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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