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Topic: The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take a parenting course. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Topic: The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take a parenting course. v. 1
In the modern world, many people are not keen to write by hand, because alternative ways, such as computer writing, are much more convenient and comprehensive. However, I believe that digital devices cannot replace the old methods of writing, such as using a pen, pencil or a brush, because there are extremely useful for short notes and plans. It is widely thought that the main reason of choosing keyboards instead of ink-pens is the development of advanced technologies. Nowadays, modern people are willing to use these new technologies, because there are comfortable for writing longer stories and novels. Secondly, it gives an opportunity to edit the materials, such as adding some features or schedules. To illustrate, writers can delete or change their notes after finishing it. In addition, computer recording can be carried by flesh cards or online. It gives to find or use the materials readily. Although these changes can damage the old methods, many people reckon that online recording is a positive tendency. First of all, using computer programs, such as Microsoft Word, Excel and Power Point can help to spread information through the world. It gives users to print and copy them easily. Secondly, using a new method gives an opportunity to translate the materials. For example, foreign words and symbols in the text can be translated automatically. This can help to learn a foreign language through the internet resources. To recapitulate, although many people are keen to use computers in order to write an article or assignment, others feel that writing by hand cannot be replaced, because this technique is very effective for notes and plans.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not keen to write by hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
alternative ways, such as computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
, are much more convenient and comprehensive.
However
, I believe that digital devices cannot replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
, such as using a pen, pencil or a brush,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
extremely
useful for short notes and plans.

It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the main reason of choosing keyboards
instead
of ink-pens is the development of advanced technologies. Nowadays, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these new technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are comfortable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
longer stories and novels.
Secondly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
an opportunity to edit the materials, such as adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
features or schedules. To illustrate, writers can delete or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their notes after finishing it.
In addition
, computer recording can
be carried
by flesh cards or online. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
to find or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the materials
readily
.

Although these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can damage the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
methods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that online recording is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tendency.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, using computer programs, such as Microsoft Word, Excel and
Did you mean "PowerPoint" (= Microsoft presentation software)?
Power Point
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to spread information through the world. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
users to print and copy them
easily
.
Secondly
, using a new method
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
an opportunity to translate the materials.
For example
, foreign words and symbols in the text can
be translated
automatically
. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to learn a foreign language through the internet resources.

To recapitulate, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers in order to write an article or assignment, others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
by hand cannot
be replaced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this technique is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective for notes and plans.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take a parenting course. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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