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The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. v. 2
In today' s fast world technical advancements are taking place day by day. It is thought by many by some people that using cellphones are against social norms like smoking which has been restricted on some places therefore, there should be legal restriction on usage of mobiles. While I accept that more use of mobile phones is harmful but I also accept that these can not be banned completely. On the one hand, overuse of cellphones may bring numerous harmful implications for the people. Firstly, increase in technology is being on daily basis because of changing taste and preferences of consumers as they use innovative models of mobile phones to satisfy their desires which causes wastage of time because people, especially, young ones spend most of their time on using mobiles which results in lower grades as well as poor health. Secondly, sitting or laying for a long time leads to obesity among people as people consider using mobiles is a good way to pass leisure time moreover, it doesn' t only cause obesity but also many other health disorders such as cancer, eyesight problem, sleep disorders and depression among children. Finally, to get benchmark performance it is crucial to study properly as well as take meals on time; however, mobile phones divert children' s mind towards video games. On the other hand, according to my perception the usage of mobiles can be limited but can not be prohibited completely. We can not even imagine our lives without usage of mobiles as in these days people fully rely on cellphones as we can communicate anywhere with anyone. Furthermore, people prefer online services such as banking services, booking tickets and online shopping which is popular among people, thus, it is quite Impossible to ignore role played by cellphones in our daily lives. Besides this, different apps such as whatsapp, facebook and many more can be installed for varying purposes. In addition to this, using mobiles allow people to get name and fame. For an instance, people create their own channels on YouTube website for earning bread and butter as well name. Last but not least, in order to meet requirements of public companies produce cellphones which provide enrolment prospects to workers. As a consequence, we can' t survive without mobile phones in today' s contemporary era. To conclude, although more use of mobile phones has no good impacts on the community yet I believe that the significance of mobiles can not be denied despite of negative results.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
world technical advancements are taking place day by day. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that using cellphones are against social norms like smoking which has
been restricted
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places
therefore
, there should be legal restriction on usage of mobiles. While I accept that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
accept that these can not
be banned
completely.

On the one hand, overuse of cellphones may bring numerous harmful implications for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, increase in technology is being on daily basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of changing taste and preferences of consumers as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
innovative models of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to satisfy their desires which causes wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
, young ones spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using mobiles which results in lower grades
as well
as poor health.
Secondly
, sitting or laying for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider using mobiles is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to pass leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
moreover
, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other health disorders such as cancer, eyesight problem, sleep disorders and depression among children.
Finally
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benchmark performance it is crucial to study
properly
as well
as take meals on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
however
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
divert
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s mind towards video games.

On the other hand
, according to my perception the usage of mobiles can
be limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can not
be prohibited
completely. We can not even imagine our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without usage of mobiles as in these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fully
rely on cellphones as we can communicate anywhere with anyone.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer online services such as banking services, booking tickets and online shopping which is popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
, it is quite Impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
role played by cellphones in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
apps such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more can
be installed
for varying purposes.
In addition
to this, using mobiles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
name and fame. For an instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
channels on YouTube website for earning bread and butter
as well
name. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
requirements of public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
produce cellphones which provide
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
prospects to workers. As a consequence, we
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t survive without mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s contemporary era.

To conclude
, although more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impacts on the community
yet
I believe that the significance of mobiles can not
be denied
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The use of mobile phones is antisocial like smoking. Smoking is banned on many places. Mobiles phones should be banned like smoking. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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