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Nowdays many young people have negative attitude towards learning after they left school. What is the cause and what are the steps that can be taken to bring positive attitude towards learning again? v.2

Nowdays many young people have negative attitude towards learning after they left school. What is the cause and what are the steps that can be taken to bring positive attitude towards learning again? v. 2
It is undoubtedly the case that youth have a negative attitude towards learning when they leave the school which is also affecting the society adversely. In this essay, I will examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest some of the proactive measures that authorities could implement to reduce the negative attitude towards learning. The first step is to understand why young people leave school with a negative attitude. Broadly speaking there are two main reasons for this. The first and present is a teacher. We have seen that the teacher always categorised their students, like the students who are intelligent or not. They always loved with intelligent students. Moreover, they do not like the average students. They generally focus on the smart students rather than the dull students in studies. It commonly happens in high standard schools. So, the government should provide a seminar to the teachers in schools that how they behave with the children and give education. Secondly, there is a group in every school. Bad company is the main factor to spoil their thinking skills. To illustrate, a friend in need is a friend indeed, as one friend allure others to be like him. Youngsters prefer to do as much as easy in the method of learning. So, because of this reason, they intake drugs and another harmful poison to do their best in exams. School authorities should provide counselling with parents so that they know all about their children. There is almost certainly no one solution to this problem, given the complexity of its causes. However, one option has of government and parents. It is a duty of government and parents. It is a duty of government and parents that they treating them in the best way.
It is
undoubtedly
the case that youth have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude towards learning when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which is
also
affecting the society
adversely
. In this essay, I will examine the possible reasons for this trend and suggest
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
proactive measures that authorities could implement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude towards learning.

The
first
step is to understand why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude.
Broadly
speaking there are two main reasons for this. The
first
and present is a teacher. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the teacher always
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are intelligent or not. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
with intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, they do not like the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They
generally
focus on the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
than the dull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in studies. It
commonly
happens in high standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide a seminar to the teachers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that how they behave with the children and give education.

Secondly
, there is a group in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is the main factor to spoil their thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate, a friend in need is a friend
indeed
, as one friend allure others to be like him. Youngsters prefer to do as much as easy in the method of learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
because of this
reason,
Possible mistake. Please verify.
they intake
drugs and another harmful poison to do their best in exams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
authorities should provide counselling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they know all about their children.

There is almost
certainly
no one solution to this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the complexity of its causes.
However
, one option has of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is a duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is a duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that
Did you mean "they're treating", "they are treating", or "they were treating"?
they treating
them in the best way.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowdays many young people have negative attitude towards learning after they left school. What is the cause and what are the steps that can be taken to bring positive attitude towards learning again? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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