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Some says that most important thing about being rich is that one has opportunity to help others. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.2

Some says that most important thing about being rich is that one has opportunity to help others. v. 2
Its controversial and rather debatable topic that whether having money pursuit people for charitable work or not. Some people believe that best thing about being affluent has many chances to support underprivileged section of society. In this essay we will discuss the advantages of having money which translate into myriads of opportunities. I agree this statement completely and put forward my opinion in its favor. The income or money is basic necessity of life and people who have richer resources have many advantages over other. Because if you did not fulfill your on needs, then you would not have chance to assist others. Many well off people running social organization about research, poverty and education around the world. For example Bill Gates Foundation sponsoring research on deadly diseases in Africa and Asia. And lessening the threats of resistant diseases spreading the Earth which effecting 50 million people each years. Although, if he did not have resources, he would unable to endowed for global health cause. However, some people thing that if a person have willingness and motivation to do anything, he will defiantly convince the world. But I personally disagree with this point; because conceiving something huge required relative proportion of resources in its hindrance. Many people start with passion and enthusiasm; but eventually stop, because of intensive obstacles. To deal with required a lot of endorsement and power which only be achieve by resources, they do not have. In this essay we discussed the many benefits we gain personally and on community level with having money; without money emotional persuade weakened. I strongly argue the noble causes for which many richer people are working, defiantly have positive impact on posterity.
Its controversial and
rather
debatable topic that whether having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
pursuit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for charitable work or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that best thing about being affluent has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to support underprivileged section of society. In this essay we will discuss the advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which translate into myriads of opportunities. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement completely and put forward my opinion in its favor.

The income or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is basic necessity of life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have richer resources have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages over other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if you did not fulfill your on needs, then you would not have chance to assist others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
well off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
running social organization about research, poverty and education around the world.
For example
Bill Gates Foundation sponsoring research on deadly diseases in Africa and Asia. And lessening the threats of resistant diseases spreading the Earth which effecting 50 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "year"?
years
. Although, if he did not have resources, he
Did you mean "would be unable"?
would unable
to endowed for global health cause.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thing that if a person have willingness and motivation to do anything, he will
defiantly
convince the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
personally
disagree with this point;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
conceiving something huge required relative proportion of resources in its hindrance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with passion and enthusiasm;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of intensive obstacles. To deal with required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
endorsement and power which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
Consider using a past participle here: "achieved".
achieve
by resources, they do not have.

In this essay we discussed the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits we gain
personally
and on community level with having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
emotional persuade weakened. I
strongly
argue the noble causes for which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working,
defiantly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on posterity.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some says that most important thing about being rich is that one has opportunity to help others. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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