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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words v.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 5
Recent years have witnessed tremendous developments in agricultural science yet every day people all over the world continue to suffer and even die from hunger. In my opinion, this is because innovations rarely impact the developing world and the best solution for it is to direct humanitarian funding towards these advances. The main cause of more advanced agricultural methods not reaching the people who need it the most is that the developing world has trouble implementing these methods. There are a number of reasons for this ranging from limited financial resources to poor existing infrastructure to political instability, depending on the country in question. One example of this would be in many African nations, where malnourishment has historically been highest. Countries like the Congo have seen revolution after revolution over the last several decades, which has effectively destabilised the entire country. The universities where students would learn about changes in agriculture are frequently shut down or destroyed. The young people who would become agricultural scientists end up drawn into the conflict as soldiers or victims. Long-term economic neglect means that the government has very limited ability to subsidise farming. These problems are present to varying degrees in countries around the world and offer one possible explanation for the continued prevalence of hunger. The solution that I believe would be most effective is directing humanitarian funds previously focused on food aid towards education and agricultural infrastructure. Food aid is a notoriously poor solution because it only offers an immediate solution and warlords often exploit it to support their continued mistreatment of their people. It hurts more than it helps. However, there would be better long-term effects if international organisations and governments redirected that money into helping build better farms, provide more modern equipment, and sending qualified professions to train people in need. There is a TedTalk by a young man in Kenya who built his own windmill out of old bicycle parts and by reading a book in the local library. It is large enough to power his own house and he was seeking financing for a larger one that would power irrigation channels for the entire village. If more people like him can be found or trained then this will have an impact that lasts for decades and is relatively impervious to the factors preventing agricultural advances from taking root in developing countries. In conclusion, developing companies face myriad problems that hinder their ability to take advantage of newer agricultural models and we should direct more funding to helping these countries learn more about new farming methods. This is likely to be an important issue in the world as the gap between rich and poor, develop and undeveloped widens while technological progress continues its indifferent march forward.
Recent years have witnessed tremendous developments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
science
yet
every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
continue to suffer and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from hunger. In my opinion, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
innovations rarely impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
for it is to direct humanitarian funding towards these advances.

The main cause of more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
methods not reaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need it the most is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has trouble implementing these methods. There are a number of reasons for this ranging from limited financial resources to poor existing infrastructure to political instability, depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in question. One example of this would be in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
African nations, where malnourishment has
historically
been highest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like the Congo have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
revolution after revolution over the last several decades, which has
effectively
Possible spelling mistake. 'destabilised' is British English.
destabilised
the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The universities where students would learn about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in agriculture are
frequently
shut down or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up drawn into the conflict as soldiers or victims. Long-term economic neglect means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited ability to
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
farming. These problems are present to varying degrees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and offer one possible explanation for the continued prevalence of hunger.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
that I believe would be most effective is directing humanitarian funds previously focused on food aid towards education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
infrastructure. Food aid is a
notoriously
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offers an immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
and warlords
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exploit it to support their continued mistreatment of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It hurts more than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
.
However
, there would be better long-term effects if international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
redirected that money into helping build better farms, provide more modern equipment, and sending qualified professions to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need. There is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
TedTalk
by a young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in Kenya who built his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
windmill out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
bicycle parts and by reading a book in the local library. It is large
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to power his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
he was seeking financing for a larger one that would power irrigation channels for the entire village. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like him can
be found
or trained then this will have an impact that lasts for decades and is
relatively
impervious to the factors preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
advances from taking root in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
face myriad problems that hinder their ability to take advantage of newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
models and
we should direct more funding to helping these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
learn more about new farming methods. This is likely to be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as the gap between rich and poor, develop and undeveloped widens while technological progress continues its indifferent march forward.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
457 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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